Well, some of you have already heard the news, but I have fallen ill. It's most likely the same stomach virus that my brother contracted earlier in the week. From 10pm last night to 6am this morning I was in severe pain, throwing up every now and then. I must have thrown up a total of 13-15 times. I won't go into any more detail, but rest assured that I am not well. I feel better this morning, but I still have a bit of recovery to do. So what does this mean for my experiment? This was one of my fears from the very beginning. Depending on the severity of the illness, I would probably have to quit if I got sick. My sleep schedule has already been compromised, so unfortunately I am going to have to end the experiment and try again another time. I don't have enough time to readapt before classes begin, not to mention the obvious, that my body is going to need further rest to get better. Some people have been quick to finger my sleep schedule as the culprit, lowering my immune system. I have read that the lack of sleep can probably lower your immune system, but who's to say I wouldn't have gotten sick anyway? I'm not denying or confirming the allegation, I just think it's unfair to jump the gun on blaming polyphasic sleep when there is so little evidence. Sorry to let all of you down, this is a difficult but pretty much necesarry decision to make. Thank you all for your interest. Stay tuned, I intend to write a brief memoir of sorts on the experience. Right now, though, my body needs some rest.

Well tomorrow I head back to school, so I need to update and then pack up my things, including the computer. Do I feel ready to take on my academic life again? As of right now, no. I would say I'm pretty close, though. What worries me now is that these spells of exhausteion happen to fall around 9/10ish in the morning, smack-dab in the middle of my classes. I didn't have one of those spells today. The reason? I didn't oversleep, I accidentally slept. My stomach was cramping up sometime after 6:00am. I laid down for a minute to stretch my stomach muscles. This usually provides some relief. Apparently I was too relaxed, and I've realized more and more how tired I must be at night. Most of what happened early this morning before I fell asleep is a haze. I remember waking up sometime after nine and being horrifically confused. My clue that I had fallen asleep while stretching my stomach was the face that I was oriented the wrong way in bed, which was width-wise, rather than length-wise. I'm not sure if such naps are harmful or helpful. I can tell you this though, despite all the unintentional long periods of sleep I've had, my body IS adapting. At first I was just annoyed that I'd fallen asleep, but then I realized that I'd woken up on my own after just three hours of sleep and I felt great. I've heard that some people take a longer nap every night. If I continue to have trouble adapting, I may try that before giving up all hope.

Since it's been over a week, I've spending some time thinking back on my progress so far, and it struck me how little sleep I've gotten compared to an average monophasic sleeper. Even with the unintended sleeping, I've probably slept no more than half as much as most people, and overall I feel wonderful! My parents have begun to express concern. "You need your sleep!" they tell me. They're worried about how this will affect my health. Of course, they're not the first to express those concerns. If you'll recall, this is one of the first things I considered before starting this experiment. Am I being stupid rather than adventurous, here? The bottom line is, I haven't acrued enough evidence to make me think that this will be too damaging. Plenty of other people have done it and survived. I intend to try to get a hold of a few sleep experts to get their opinions. I've been trying to contact one, who's a goon, but alas my efforts have proven fruitless. Feel free to share your thoughts, readers.

Sorry for the lateness of the update, but here it is. I would have liked to do an update with a level of excitement on par with that of yesterday's. Unfortunately, today's episode wouldn't be much different from yesterday's. I had the same onset of extreme, mind-raping exhaustion right around the same time, although this time I dropped the shampoo a whole lot more often, and it didn't seem to last as long. I imagine that the period of hell is around that time my body thinks it's time to go to sleep, as a result of my recent, seemingly random sleep habits. I should also mention that I did somehow oversleep a little bit this morning somehow during my 8am nap, although it was only for half an hour. I have absolutely no idea how I overslept. It must have been an alarm error, as I don't remember a thing. Thankfully, I woke up on my own accord. I've been getting better and better at falling asleep and waking up right away, despite the frigid air at night and the tempting warmth of my bed. Like I said, yesterday I noticed that I had started dreaming during these short naps. This seems to be a good indicator that I may finally be getting that REM my body needs, which is profoundly exciting. Now, once again, it is time for me to nap. I will let you know how I'm doing tomorrow. Things are really going to get interesting once I get settled in at school. Night night.

After I updated earlier this morning, I decided to have another supplementary nap around ten. When I awoke, I expected to feel fresher and more awake as one typically does upon waking. But no, not this time. I was more tired than I had ever been in my entire life. "Tired" wasn't even the right word. "Tired" is a splinter to my brain compared to this ravaging of my conscious mind. I literally had trouble focusing and standing straight. I could have easily been mistaken for intoxicated. I thought a shower would help freshen me up, like showers tend to do. I was just as tired when I stepped out as when I had stepped in. I stumbled weakly into some clothes and sat down in this chair, deliberating what to do. Deliberations were cut short by my tired body. It was as if my bed was drawing it towards me like a magnet, seducing me with the idea of forgetting this business and just going to sleep, if only for a few hours. I remember vaguely my hands reaching out and setting alarms. My blankets enveloped me. I closed my eyes.

Then my iron will awoke. I sat up in bed. My body was never going to adapt if I kept on spoiling it. What if this sensation was a sign that my body was beginning to adapt? My body was definitely sensing that something was changing. If I had laid down and slept, I don't think I'd have been much different than a regular, sleep-deprived college student with house of cards sleep habits. I resolved that I would wait until it was time.

Noon came. I slipped into a dream more quickly than I can recall in recent time. Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's working. After that nap I've felt empowered and energetic. I feel like this short narrative is a testament to that. Compare the way it's written to my earlier entries. This is born of my renewed energy. However, this most likely isn't the end. I presume more struggles like this before the battle is won. As always, thank you, my readership, for your interest. I hope this is as exciting for you as it is for me.

Edit: I decided to do a picture symbolizing the sides of this struggle.

So it's been almost a week then, has it? I'm definitely not over the hump yet. In fact, it's somewhat difficult to say whether there is a hump, or whether it's just a wavy road obscured by fog. I started feeling pretty tired early this morning after my 4am nap. I therefore decided to squeeze in an extra nap at 6am. I still feel pretty tired, so I'll probably squeeze in another extra nap at 10am. My alarms have been working well. I'm also sleeping light enough that the first alarm usually gets me out of bed. These are most likely good signs. I have a little less than one week until classes start. By then I hope to be used to the sleep schedule. If by then I am still having trouble/feeling tired all the time/etc, then I will simply have to drop it. So to sum up: I'm pretty damned tired at the moment. I was watching the old version of The Producers and just couldn't focus on the movie. I had to stop it because I was afraid I was going to fall asleep while watching it. I may update later if my condition changes. As always, thanks for those of you who are keeping up with me for maintaining an interest in my affairs. Until next time.

Finally, a full night of polyphasic sleep. My alarms worked perfectly, so I was able to avoid oversleeping. I've decided that unless I have sudden flashes of exhaustion, I will no longer be including drawings. Assume that I feel like I did on Day 1. I felt remarkable all day yesterday and last night. Have I finally gotten past the hump? We'll find out. I'd decided to hold off on doing some more Maya training, but since I was feeling so awake last night I decided to do a little more. My 12am and 4am naps were rather sub-par, but the one I just had was fantastic. It felt like I'd been sleeping for hours and hours, not thirty minutes. Despite the good nap, I felt significantly more tired than I felt earlier. A hot shower helped wake me up, but I can still feel a twinge of sleepiness.

Once again, I overslept. I haven't been using the cellphone alarm, as my computer timer had been doing wonders all yesterday afternoon and night. I have been using my bedside alarm, however, as backup. Well, somehow I never started the timer, even though I could swear that I did. No ifs or buts here on out. I can't keep doing this or my body will never adjust. I must have been very, very deep in sleep, because most of the time I can remember turning off my bedside alarm. But not this time. I didn't even feel like I had slept that long. Sleep is a weird thing, to say the least. She is a harsh and unyielding mistress, but I will tame her. Even if I have to set five more alarms before I sleep. Other than that, last night I felt fantastic, unlike the night before. It wasn't until slightly before the nap in which I overslept that I started to feel a little tired. I even joined my mom and brother for breakfast before they departed for their respective schools (my mom's a teacher). I read every single comic of a strip called Sexy Losers, to which someone had posted a link on somethingawful. If you like sexual humour, you might find it amusing. Otherwise, you will be very, very offended. I'm not even posting the link, because I don't want to promote it. I'm just reporting what I've done with my time. It's pretty funny though. I don't have time right now to make a drawing, but I will be sure to add one as soon as I get back from the place to which I am going. Let me know if you have any other alarm ideas.

Well, I'm ashamed, but I oveslept again. This time I slept straight through my 4:30 alarm until 9. This happened for a number of reasons. For some reason, my computer volume was turned off when I got up. Either I turned it off at some point right before I went to bed, or I got up and turned off the alarm and went back to bed. I have no memory of either. But I think that the main reason it happened was that last night without warning I suffered a huge dip in morale. I was suddenly gripped with overpoweing exhaustion. Time was dragging by as I waited for 4 to arrive so I could finally nap. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep all night. I was even considering just dropping this whole thing. But alas, I refuse to let myself give up that easily. I haven't even tasted the final product yet. What I will do instead, I think, is do what Steve Pavlina (http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/10/polyphasic-sleep-log-day-3/) did and have a couple of additional naps to help me adjust. I quote:

"I believe the idea is that after you’ve successfully made the polyphasic adaptation, six naps are intended to provide the equivalent of roughly six cycles of REM sleep, which would allow you to function as if you’ve gotten about nine hours of normal sleep. So given that reasoning, six naps makes sense to do post-adaptation, and it’s no wonder that people report feeling good on those six naps once they’ve made the adjustment.

But what about during the adaptation period itself, when you still aren’t getting any REM sleep at all? I’m not a sleep doctor, but I think it may be easier to do more than six daily naps during the adaptation period, as long as you continue to keep the naps under 30 minutes and keep them spaced far enough apart (say… 90 minutes minimum between naps). You’ll still feel like a zombie without REM sleep, but the extra naps could provide additional rest and help avoid oversleeping."

Pavlina was very successful with his experiment, so if this worked for him, it will probably work for me. I will throw in two additional naps at night and use my cell phone again as another backup alarm. Despite this rather large bump in the road that is my polyphasic sleep adventure, I maintain that I will at least get through the adaptation period. It seems silly to have come this far in the tunnel, and turn around before I reach the light at the end.

As for how I'm feeling right now, I still feel pretty tired, despite my gross oversleeping. I could even say I feel a little zombie-like. I can tell that my movement is slower and that my response time isn't quite as quick. I think it goes without saying that I probably shouldn't drive for a while. It's hard to feel motivated to do anything when I feel like this. Honestly, I think I'm just starting to get bored. I'm going to take a few minutes now to brainstorm some ideas for how else I can spend my time; drawing, cooking, continuing my Maya training, watching movies, writing short stories (who knows what feeling like a zombie can inspire)... that's all I can think of for now. Please share your ideas! Another thing I should mention is that I have work tonight. I'm working short, three hour closing shifts all week. If I still do not feel safe driving I will have to have my parents drive me. That's all for now.

This isn't what I expected at all. I feel... fantastic. My last couple of naps were very refreshing. Right now I feel very alert and relaxed. I've doing everything I can to try to give my body what it needs to adapt. I've been eating more, and more healthily, and I've been drinking lots and lots of water. I was pretty exhausted from my mile jog this morning, although that was also because I'm in horrendous shape. I slip in and out of very mild fog-headedness from time to time, but for the most part I am doing magnificently well.



It's been a very interesting experience so far. I can already sense how my concept of time is changing. Days no longer seem to pass in a long period of an open window, and a long period of a closed window. Instead, it's as if the window is practically open all the time and the world is passing by as a single entity, rather than in episodes. Additionally, I've realized both how little and how much time three and a half hours can be. I've found it very easy to sink into a mindset of "oh, I only have an hour left until my nap, can't do anything productive in that time." My next task will be to break out of that thinking habit. Right now I'm spending most of my time doing recreational activities, which is fine, but I also have to be careful about not getting too comfortable doing that, either. As a goon suggested, I'm going to start learning a little French, so maybe that will be enough for now to help keep me from being a lazy bum afloat in a sea of All the time in the world.

Current Status:
Still doing remarkably well. Fairly awake most of the time, with increased foggy-headedness.

I have to say I'm surprised how easy it's been so far. Besides the previous night, I haven't felt very exhausted at all. The bags under my eyes in my drawings represent occasional drowsiness, but nothing that lasts for very long. I didn't have any trouble tonight with alarms or getting up. My naps today have been much closer to sleep than those of yesterday. I'll feel a little tired before I lie down, then wake up feeling a little more refreshed. So far the biggest annoyance about the nighttime is how cold it gets in the house. My family turns off the heater at night to conserve gas. I have to fight the temptation to just crawl under my warm blankets and bundle up instead. This limits me in some ways, but I'm fighting it. I realize that this is a little early to be updating today, so chances are that I will be updating later in the day, as well.

Recent Concerns:
- The house is damned cold at night.
- Erin, my girlfriend, told me that her father recommended that I keep track of my blood pressure and body temperature. He feels that both may be affected. I don't think either would be a bad idea and may look into getting one of those arm band blood pressure thingies. After all, this is, in part, for :science:
- My bottom eyelid on my right eye has been twitching a bit recently. It is unclear whether or not this is related.

Looking Ahead:
I plan on going for a short walk/jog after my 8am nap, coming back for a shower, then having a hearty breakfast. It's exciting how motivated I feel already from doing this. This might die down in the next couple of days if the worst is yet to come, but for now I feel great.

The forecast is looking a little foggier than before, with chance of random laughing fits

This morning I learned 2 things; 1) I couldn't fool my body forever, and 2) I need to establish a new alarm system. My body finally realized what I was up to last night and the Tired hit me like a sack of bricks. I actually welcomed it, as I figured it would help me actually sleep during my nap. Problem was, I slept a little too well. I don't even remember my 4:30 alarm going off and overslept for an extra hour and a half. I then read until my 8am nap. I do remember that alarm going off, but it wasn't enough to throw me into full consciousness and overslept by another hour. I figured that would probably happen, especially since my alarms weren't very elaborate. I'm now going to use three alarms, set a couple minutes apart. Hopefully this will only be necesarry during the adaptation period. I'm feeling a little more foggy-headed than I was yesterday, but I still feel pretty good. I need to start thinking more about eating and showering patterns. My night last night was fairly productive. In addition to nursing my thread on this topic, I read some more of Jung's Man and His Symbols, and Sam Harris' The End of Faith, and I even learned a little French! Le cheval! Le chou! I am le tired!

And so it's begun. I decided to start the schedule by getting a little less sleep than usual, so technically last night was my last full night of sleep. I tried to go to bed around midnight, but was unable to for a number of reasons; I was trying to hard, I was excited about my first day, and I've been stupid about when I go to sleep lately. I ended up getting up around 5:30am with four and a half hours of sleep, and planned on trying to nap at 8. My nap schedule for now will be 4, 8, and 12. One of the nice things about the schdule is that the times remain the same for the AM and PM. My 8am nap didn't really work. I was too alert. I think it will be easier to sleep at noon, as my body is starting to say to myself, "Hey now, what's going on?" All in all, I'm still feeling pretty chipper. I've been playing some games. From what I've read, interactive activities are handy during the adaptation period because they keep you fairly engaged. Feel free to post your questions or concerns. I'll be here all night.

EDIT: I've decided to include illustrations representing how I'm doing. So far so good!

There come times in life when a man has the chance to do something he may never again have the chance to do. Such a time is now, and the Uberman Sleep Schedule is my prime opportunity. If you are like I was a few months ago, you have no idea what that term means. I first stumbled across the term in a thread on the somethingawful.com forums about sleep patterns. The Uberman Sleep Schedule (USS) is a specific form of polyphasic sleep, in which the person takes a 20-30 minutes nap every 4 hours. Polyphasic sleep differs greatly from normal (monophasic) sleep. In polyphasic sleep, one trains the body to take short naps every few hours, rather than sleep for a single, extended period of time, thus compressing the time spent asleep to 2-4 hours thus increasing the number of hours one spends awake. It sounds outrageous, doesn't it? I sure thought so. Yet, I was not quick to dismiss it. The idea of only having to spend a couple hours a day sleeping was indescribably exciting. I read up on it all I could. Unfortunately, there hasn't been any kind of research done on polyphasic sleep, and my findings were limited to personal accounts and a yahoo group discussion. This being the case, there is much to be discovered about polyphasic sleep, including the harms. There are concerns as to the long-term effects of adopting such a sleep pattern. The sleep schedule trains your body to enter REM sleep immediately, rather than after the usual 90 minutes of other sleep. The naps give you all of the REM sleep you need, which is the most important of the different types of sleep. There are problems with this, as our brains are already used to undergoing other levels of sleep. I've also read that some people experienced heightened sensitivity to pain while maintaining the USS.

    Despite these concerns, the USS does have very favorable potential benefits. From what I've read, people on the USS  find themselves very alert, and rarely drowsy. There is, of course, the obvious fact that I will have more time awake. Critics of the USS say that nobody needs this time, and that they would just waste this time. This depends greatly on the person doing it. I personally have many interests to keep me from being bored. In fact, I have just recently resolved to myself never to be bored. I believe that if a person has enough interests, he can always find something to do. Computers make this easier for me. So what am I waiting for, exactly?

    As I'm sure you've guessed, there is a huge problem with adopting this sleep pattern; social activities. I will have to take a nap every 4 hours. This means that I won't be able to take part in anything that requires a time comittment much greater than 3.5 hours. This is the facet of the USS that makes it very difficult to employ, and even study. I know right now that it will create conflicts. I have a girlfriend who will have to put up with me doing this. I have assured her a number of times that I will still be able to spend time with her. I have already looked at when I have my classes to make sure I can squeeze in naps. I will just have to have faith that most of the situations that come up will be flexible enough to accomodate my sleeping schedule. If too many problems arise, I may just have to go back to monophasic sleep. For now, though, this is what I plan to do. I'm fairly confident that I will be able to follow the nap schedule. This experiment really means a lot to me. It all begins this Friday. Thursday night's sleep will be my last full-length period of sleep for a while. It takes about two weeks to become fully used to the USS, the first few days of which are the absolute worst. Most of this will fall on the remainder of my winter break, however, so it shouldn't be much of a problem. I intend to keep a log each day about my progress. Stay tuned.

Before I get started, let me warn you that this is a rant. After having my frustration build up for the past three hours I need a way to vent, and this journal is the next best thing to running out of the house, kicking a rabbit and screaming until my face turns purple.

I just bought a book today from work called The Art of Maya. Maya is a very powerful 3D modeling and animation program created by a company called Alias. Their software has been used extensively in the professional 3D CGI world. It's been used in countless ads, as well as movies like Lord of the Rings, and many many video games. The book itself is wonderful. The first section explains how you have to approach 3D modeling and animation and seemed to me like a great way to slip into a more complicated and versatile 3D program. Up until now, I've been using a very limited program called Bryce 5. The book came with 2 CDs. This is where the trouble began.

On one CD was version 4.5 of their Personal Learning Edition software. The Personal Learning Edition part was a little disappointing, as this limits what you can do a bit. But I accepted this easily, as the program itself costs many thousands and thousands of dollars. As I popped in the CD, I noticed on the label that it said to visit so and so URL to get the software key, and that newer versions of the software could be downloaded from the site. Indeed there is a newer version, version 6.0, but I decided to stick with 4.5 since that is what the book followed. I went to the to the URL and went through the song and dance to get a CD key, and then I got a message saying something along the lines of "Thank you, your Maya 6.0 PLE software key will be emailed to you shortly." I blinked. "Maya 6.0?" I thought to myself. I got the key in my email and tried it. Sure enough, it did not work.

"Oh well, it's just a glitch on the website. It seems to be sending Keys for version 6.0," I thought to myself. "No matter, I'll just download the newest version!" So I did that. I got a new key for it. I opened the installer and pasted the appropriate code and hit enter. Nothing happened. I hit it again. Nothing. Enter enter enter. Nothing nothing nothing. It wasn't even giving me an error message. It was bugged. "Well shit," I said outloud, starting to get slightly annoyed. I decided to try redownloading it, in case it was a corrupted file, and to try tracking down someone to notify of the problems I'd encountered. I tried to email the administrator of the site about the problems, but immediately got an auto-reply saying she was out on maternity leave and wouldn't be answering emails. She did leave an email address to forward urgent mail to, so I tried that, and got an email back saying the mail could not be delivered, as the address did not exist.

I could keep going, but even I'm getting bored writing about this. It just gets worse. I tried installing the other CD, which had the older version 4.0 on it. When I tried running it, however, it said it was out of date and told me cheerily to download the newest version. Also, I tried registering on their forums to ask some of the other users, but the link to register as a user was effing broken. I pored over Alias' site looking for more tech support. I kept reading about the wonderful accomplishments that Alias and its software had made, but all I could hear ringing in my head was, "what about me? what about the young, prospective artist? can't he have a chance?" Eventually I found a forum for technical difficulties with the software and found that other people had had some similar problems and been compltely disregarded. One gentleman had this to say at the end of a long and notable rant:

"I *was* instead in the market to actually purchase it. 'Was' being the operative word. But I was never going to buy it blind. A demo first. Which I can't get, can't install, can't get support for, can contact you about, can't get to work... hey, I get the message loud and clear - "don't bother us".

Okay, so I won't. I'll take my money elsewhere.

PS. The reason I'm posting this rant here is because you've made it virtually impossible for potential new customers to contact you online at all. The closest help I can find is the listing for a 'local' distributor - physically on the other side of the city I live in. Good luck with that. Business must be very good and ccustomers knocking your doors down if you can afford to do this."

I have a 1-800 number I'm going to try in the morning. If it doesn't pan out, I'm just going to have to return the book, fingers crossed that the opened CD sleeves won't matter, get my money back, and pretend that this whole thing never happened.

This is a copy of a wordy bit that I posted on the World of Warcraft forums regarding attitudes towards the recent rise in the amount of player on player conflicts. Yeah, I warned you.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Now, I don't like having my adventures interrupted by the fatal hand of an enemy player as much as the next guy, but I feel like I have to step up and address the attitude against the increased player on player action that's been going on as a result of the new Honor System. Maybe, just maybe, there's room for some improvement.

Just to be clear, most people don't like it. I researched it, you see. And who can blame them? What's to like? On both sides we're constantly being hunted like dogs, lower level players find themselves being run into the ground more often than before, and I spend more time going between graveyards and corpses on an average day than I would like. But I digress. The most common reactions I've noticed (just within the game) basically boil down to whining and complaining. Are you allowed to be angry, furious, or even murderously bristling with angry, furious rage when you are ganked? Of course. My roommates have made a habit of washing their ears out nightly due to the amount of sailor talk that comes from my side of the room.

Despite this displeasure, I haev some things to say in response to those whine and complain. First off, I hate the Horde. Big whoop, right? RIGHT. I have NEVER Hated an opposing player-based faction in any game in my life. Maybe not all of you Hate them, but you have to admit, you at the very least dislike them more. By cutting off virtually all forms of intelligible communication between the factions (done in the patch before last) and creating incentives for players to actively pursue their enemy, to hunt them, the kill them, to Hate them. As far as gameplay goes, it can really help a guy sink into his role in Azeroth. So cool.

Secondly, and also finally, think of it from a more pragmatic point of view. That is, think about your options, and imagine which attitude is going to leave you at your happiest, your greatest good. You could either complain until the cows come home and then leave again because you're complaining so much, or you could see this as an opportunity to be inspired to level faster, to hone your skills as a fighter, and to rise to your best as a player. When you reach 60, you'll have just as much a fair chance at killing the opposite faction as they do yours.

So in short: Honor system leads to more player vs. player action (fair or unfair). Sometimes it's not fun. Make the most of it.

Also, the honor system definitely needs some work. It disgusts me that I can kill a hideously underlevel player and not earn me any form of dishonor. This example is by the very definition of 'honor' alone dishonorable, and for the Honor System to suggest otherwise saddens me in a way that previously only reality telivision could. :(

Wow, it's been quite a while, Live Journal. I'm almost embarassed to be showing my face here again. Almost. The reason for my writing is nothing as noble as the idea that perhaps a wave of inspiration had befallen me. No, I am just painfully, obscenely, unforeseeably bored. This hasn't happened for quite some time due to my new best friend, World of Warcraft. So what happened? I'm going to blame it on a lull in mood, but I was in the game, just sitting around, trying to think of something to do, and I realized that there was nothing that I wanted to do. So, in a confused, sad sort of manner, I closed the game. I stumbled next door to Andy's room and gave him an exasperated look. I brought my hands to my face, gesturing emptily at the keyboard-free air in front of me. "Andy... I'm... bored," I told him. He asked what the trouble was, and I just repeated myself with what must have been an even sadder tone, "I'm... bored". So here I am, world. What would you like to hear about? I think I should tell you a little bit about a recent adventure in my life. I had the idea to write about her when I was picking out "My Song" below. If you ever find yourself wondering where to go, who to love, or whether or not to join the Navy, consider the following.

Lissa. I'm not going to indulge you by paining myself by writing about the history of our friendship, as this is not integral to the lesson here. Suffice it to say, she cared a great deal about herself, and what she wanted from life. Different people experienced this in many different ways. To some, she was selfish. To others, she was, admirably or not, very open and frank. To the United States Armed Forces, she was... theirs. She joined the Navy. There are certainly several reasons why this was a bad move. For one, she strove to become the Lieutenant Governor of  Circle K on a platform of dependency, and won. Oops. She agreed to live with three other girls in a house; a house being paid for and a house that was really counting on a fourth person living in it. Ah. She left her classes, her hallmates, those who called her friend to be with a twenty six year ex-married Navy lad, his sister, and other colorful characters, like Rob, and Snuff. Now, I'm not trying to cast dispersions on any of these people. I met Snuff once; he had snazzy, blue shorts. I'm not against the Navy, either. Not only because of their fine hosiery, but because the navy is a rewarding, dependable career route. My own grandfather made a wonderful career for himself in the Navy. The clear problem here is the shirking of responsibility.

Lissa did what she did because she knew it was what she wanted. She was not happy here. She did not want to continue studying and biding her time away from the real world. She seemed happy here before, and I have my suspicions that not even Lissa thought that college wasn't what she wanted. Nevertheless, that was the case when I last spoke to her about this new turn of events in her life. Two things about Lissa that I did admire was her very clear, though fickle, idea of what she wanted, and her ability to get it. I'll be damned if she wouldn't always want someone to walk her to her dorm and someone would inevitably do it, no matter how cold, wet, firey, or deadly it was out. What she's always wanted has been that which has made her happy. It's part of our human nature. We want that which will either give us pleasure or remove pain. Lissa was very much a person who embodied this part of our nature, and was good at satisfying it. Her desires and means of satisfying them weren't always kosher or resonsible, by any means, but the emphasis is on my appreciation of her determination and decisiveness. One problem so many of us face is that we lack direction and we lack conviction. I don't know where I want my life to take me, I don't know what I want to do. Once I do have a suitable end in mind, I know I'll have trouble finding the means to reach that end. From that very broad, personal dilemma, I can draw a lot of strength from Lissa. She inspires me to truly discover what will make me happy, and think twice about letting obstacles obstruct me. This is the lesson to be learned from Lissa.

On the questions of where to go, who to love, and whether or not to join the Navy, I think the most reasonable answer is to decide what it is you want, with the supplement that you consider what pursuing your wants will mean to your responsibilities. Don't drop your responsibilities, and don't leave your friends behind. Tie up loose ends, if you must, don't let them dangle. Once done, you'll be well on your way towards joining that navy of yours.

Rather than re-write the entire ordeal, I’m going reconstruct it using conversations and sidenotes:

Here is the story as I explained it to Jonathan:

PerTheBear777 (12:02:12 PM): I woke up one morning and found snicker bar all over our doorknob
PerTheBear777 (12:02:15 PM): lives across the hall
PerTheBear777 (12:02:29 PM): I said to myself "hm, that's rather disgusting"
Jahman98 (12:02:32 PM): mmk
PerTheBear777 (12:02:39 PM): later Kevin told me it was Chase, and that they had been having a prank war
PerTheBear777 (12:03:04 PM): so later I went and talked to Chase and asked him that in the future it would be nice if they could do stuff to each other that would not affect Matt and I
PerTheBear777 (12:03:26 PM): and at one point he pointed to his door, splintered around the doorknob area, and said "dude, look what Kevin did to my door"
PerTheBear777 (12:03:49 PM): flash forward, this other guy, Mark, comes into my room with Matt and tells me what he's heard from Ollie our RA
PerTheBear777 (12:04:11 PM): Ollie went around and asked if anyone knew anything, apparently both Chase and Kevin denied knowing anything
PerTheBear777 (12:05:09 PM): and then Mark told me that if they didn't find who was responsible, it would either come out of our hall funds, that's $400, a third of our budget wasted, or every person on the hall pays $20
Jahman98 (12:05:29 PM): man
PerTheBear777 (12:05:44 PM): so this is when I should have talked to them, (which I didn't realize until later) but I didn't, I went and told Ollie what I knew, because that was kinda shitty
PerTheBear777 (12:05:58 PM): so he took a statement, I got a call from the judicial officer asking to come in and tell him what I knew
PerTheBear777 (12:06:03 PM): so I told him what I'd heard
PerTheBear777 (12:06:29 PM): so later Kevin had apparnetly been contacted, and asked if I'd said anything
PerTheBear777 (12:06:32 PM): I came clean with him
PerTheBear777 (12:06:49 PM): and he hates me
Jahman98 (12:07:29 PM): mhmm
Jahman98 (12:07:30 PM): man
Jahman98 (12:07:31 PM): that sucks
PerTheBear777 (12:07:35 PM): yeah it does
PerTheBear777 (12:07:44 PM): I mean, we didn't get along that well before
Jahman98 (12:07:47 PM): so what's going on right now?
PerTheBear777 (12:07:55 PM): it's as if he's just using this now as an excuse to be a dick to me and to hate me,
PerTheBear777 (12:08:07 PM): he won't talk to me at all
PerTheBear777 (12:08:22 PM): and I'm increasinly concerned that I'm going to come home and find puke all over my stuff
Jahman98 (12:09:16 PM): hm
Jahman98 (12:09:20 PM): any way you can get him moved out?
PerTheBear777 (12:09:40 PM): I don't think so
PerTheBear777 (12:10:03 PM): I was considering seeing what I can do to move

My conversation this morning with Kevin:

Kev says:
hello
PerTheBear says:
hey
Kev says:
so what's your deal
PerTheBear says:
did you see the email I sent you perchance?
PerTheBear says:
if not, it's cool, I'll just reiterate
Kev says:
well i saw it, but i still think it's a bunch of bullshit and so does chase
Kev says:
just by chance you don't know if anything is really true
Kev says:
you weren't even hear
Kev says:
here
Kev says:
you just guessed and hoped you were right
PerTheBear says:
I'm not out to get you or anything, man
PerTheBear says:
I wouldn't have said anything at all if it hadn't been for the money issue
Kev says:
yeah you are a smart guyn
Kev says:
you know that isn't the reason
Kev says:
but i still want to know'
Kev says:
you weren't hear
Kev says:
here
Kev says:
so you don't know shit
PerTheBear says:
all I know is what I heard, and that's what I reported, that I heard that you did it
PerTheBear says:
I couldn't just keep that to myself
Kev says:
well next time be a man and check on your facts instead of being just a punk
Kev says:
yeah well way to man up
PerTheBear says:
I know, I should have talked to you guys first
PerTheBear says:
I'm sorry I didn't
Kev says:
who knows what's going to happen now
PerTheBear says:
I don't want anything to happen to you as much as you don't
Kev says:
but i guess you are loving it
PerTheBear says:
why do you think that?
Kev says:
cause i think you did it maliciously
Kev says:
so what did the guy tell you
PerTheBear says:
it pains me that you think that, really
PerTheBear says:
he didn't mention anything about criminal prosecution
PerTheBear says:
only the door expenses

(Move to AIM)

PerTheBear777 (11:50:26 AM): still there?
kevpatrick3 (11:50:48 AM): what do you want, seirously you still don't have any idea what happened
kevpatrick3 (11:51:01 AM): but you thought it is your place to do whatever it is you plan to do
PerTheBear777 (11:51:17 AM): did you do it?
kevpatrick3 (11:51:25 AM): you odn't like me obviously so you saw what happened the other night with me and chase
kevpatrick3 (11:51:29 AM): and were like okay lets see
kevpatrick3 (11:51:34 AM): perfect i'll tell on him
kevpatrick3 (11:51:55 AM): where you here taht night
PerTheBear777 (11:52:00 AM): *sigh*
PerTheBear777 (11:52:07 AM): no, I wasn't
kevpatrick3 (11:52:13 AM): you weren't here until after spring break?
kevpatrick3 (11:52:29 AM): and your telling me that since you weren't here you wouldn't have to pay for the damages
kevpatrick3 (11:52:40 AM): come on per get it together thats a bunch of bullshit
kevpatrick3 (11:52:55 AM): sorry you would have to pay
PerTheBear777 (11:53:44 AM): wait, what are you accusing me of?
kevpatrick3 (11:54:18 AM): fabrication, "hear say", and just being a dick
kevpatrick3 signed off at 11:54:31 AM.

Throughout this ordeal, I never told him that Chase told me it was him, although I did mention that originally. I didn’t because Chase asked me not to. Well, for the sake of trying to express myself, I’m not holding back here.

I spoke to Chase either Saturday or Friday to explain the money situation, to explain the reason why I said anything about the incident. He was understanding. At one point I asked him outright and sternly, “Did Kevin do it?” Chase hesitated and looked at me for a moment, then nodded his head.

It had been a great day at work. The day had gone by quickly and I was in high spirits. I felt like I could take on the sun with a silver teaspoon. And that, is exactly what I did shortly before work ended.

Actually, there was no sun or quaint cutlery involved. It was about twenty minutes until closing time at the old grocery outlet, and I was approached by a seemingly peaceful man. "Is there a manager here?" he asked briskly. By the nature of his question, a small part of me tingled, possibly to warn me that this man had an issue that needed dealing with. Of course, nobody listens to a tingle. I explained that there were no managers available and kindly asked about the nature of his issue at hand. The issues was questionable tomatoes. Before I could blink, which is actually allowing a pretty decent amount of time considering a human can go for many minutes without blinking, he procured a large baggie that contained the peeled and sliced remnants of some very innocent tomatoes.

It has been a long-standing controversy whether or not fruits and vegetables can, in fact, be innocent, or hold any state of guilt whatsoever. Television shows, such as Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, have been testaments to this controversy. The bottom-line, thus-far established by a Swedish man named Hans Kjovevik, is that all fruits and vegetables are innocent until proven guilty. On a related note, Hans was extradicted by the Swedish government to be tried in the United States for plagiarism of a meaningless Justice something or other code. He was found guilty, and sentenced to a barrage of rotten fruits and vegetables. The fruits and vegetables were then tried for no longer being innocent and were sentenced to death.

So there before me dangled this bag of innocent fruit. The gentleman asked me a simple question: "Do these tomatoes look good to you?" Ignoring that miniscule tingle and in high spirits, I answered smartly, "actually, I'm not much of a tomato fan, so I don't really know." Before I could blink again, he immediately walked to the next checkstand where Shihab was working and asked him the same question. The actual exchange gets a little hazy from hereon, as I was actually trying to help my own customers at the time. Whatever was said, it obviously didn't please our friend, because he felt it to be a very poignant thing to do to empty the contents of his tomato bag all over the back of the checkstand. He obviously meant business. Actually, the purpose of his trip to safeway that night involved no business exchanges whatsoever. Let me tell you what he turned and said to me next.

We both looked at the tomatoes splattered all over the conveyor belt and bagging area. We looked at each other. He spoke. "When I was here, all I wanted was some good tomatoes. Do these look good to you?" Before I could proffer another useless response, he continued. *He laughs* "I even talked to the produce guy and asked him what tomatoes would be really good. I told him I would offer him money for the good ones. He told me 'Yeah, you want the vine tomatoes!' These do not look like vine tomatoes, these look like awful."

I tried successfully not to burst into tearful laughter. I looked at the violated flesh on the checkstand and looked back at thim. "That is pretty awful"
"It's awful"
"Just awful"
"Very awful"
"It sure is"

He left.

I couldn't stop laughing. I couldn't resist. I picked up the telephone and said over the intercom, "Cleanup in checkstand 3".

It seems like every time I post in this Live Journal of mine, I have to open with some sort of excuse or apology as to why I haven't been updating much lately. At this point, it should be more or less assumed that I update when I feel like it, or am strongly encouraged by loved ones. As you have witnessed, this may potentially spawn long periods of inactivity in the writing department. This having been cleared up, there will be no more apologies and excuses, unless of course I have a drastic change of heart and feel that an apology or excuse is warranted. Savvy? Groovy.

I suppose that the most appropriate starting point for tonight's update is today's thrilling experience, previously alluded to in my beautiful and informative subject title.

It started like any other day. I'd stayed up late the night before with Erin, in her kitchen, cooking food. This is a story for a little later. Because I had to rise with the sun and be at work early, this set me up for feeling rather groggy later on. However, my state of grogginess is completely unrelated to the story outside of the fact that it was part of my life and it contributed to my day, and thus we will be moving sharply along. After a rather painless five and a half hours of juggling people's food and tossing it into plastic bags, I was picked up by Erin. I had agreed to come with her to her barn where there was a fundraiser being held to serve as a fellow vonlunteer. As it turned out, there really was no work for us to do, so I ended up just having a great old time at the barn. I met some of Erin's old friends and the relatives of friends, chatted a bit with the Saunders', ate food, watched a man play the banjo like it was his third arm (you wouldn't think that if a man had a third arm he would play it, but if you could play your third arm, it wouldn't be half as interesting as watching this man play the banjo), and met and touched a whole lot of animals. One of these animals was Woodie, Erin's horse. We decided that we would take two of the horses out and ride around a bit. Seeing as how my name is not and does not sound anything like Indiana Jones, Clint Eastwood, or that guy in that movie about the horse, there were few who were predisposed to think I had ever ridden a horse before. So Erin got Woodie all nice and saddled up, which was impressive because there's a lot of little things you have to do that were very natural to her and I felt a renewed appreciation for the care that goes into riding these great, half-ton beasts.

The air was cool this night. There was a llama this night. The llama was also cool, in it's own warm-blooded way. The llama was part of the petting zoo that had been brought in as part of the fundraiser. The llama was going largely ignored by me as Erin helped me climb aboard Woodie in the ring. Erin seemed to sense that Woodie was a little tense and a little flitty this particular evening. He was a little restless as we slowly rode in the ring, Erin following right along. Then Woodie started getting restless. All of a sudden, Erin commanded me to quickly grab a hold of a little notch in the saddle, the name of which escapes me, and hold on. Not a second later, Woodie bucked beneath me and started taking large, violent strides backward. Had I not been holding onto the saddle, my face could very well have been absorbing gravel. For those of you who aren't aware, gravel is not a substance that the face takes lightly to absorbing. But I stayed calm, and Erin, after being literally dragged, trying to anchor herself, was able to stop Woodie. I'll admit, it's not much of a story to tell, but it was quite the experience. Erin explained that Woodie has never, ever acted this way. Our theory? The llama. It was when Woodie was facing and started getting closer to where the llama was that he started losing his marbles. Am I afraid of horses now? Neigh. I can't wait until next time. Hopefully there will be no llamas. In fact, any llamas present will be threatened verbally, and if the llamas do not leave, they will be eaten. Perhaps with some fava beans. And a nice chiante.

****

I'm starting to get rather tired, so I will leave the rest for another time. One more story, and then it's bedtime.

The sun rose in much the same way that the sun tends to rise on any given morning; warmly, yellowish, and in the east. The birds were out, the family was out, and I, lying in bed, was very much out. At my father's desparate pleas, I was mowing the lawn that morning. After some breakfast and an excruciating two seconds of figuring out which pair of khaki shorts to don, I had on my visor and sunglasses and was dragging the lawn mower out of the garage. The front lawn of my house slopes in much the same way as a football field does not. In fact, it's quite steep. This makes for tricky mowing, but I, having done this many many times, had little trouble. The trouble comes later. As I started down the hill, taking the grass horizontally, I noticed a little blue car pull up right alongside the street in front of my next door neighbor's house. The car looked unfamiliar, and so did the people not getting out. I figured that it belonged to someone having dealings with our new nextdoor neighbors, who I actually have not yet met. When I had reached the bottom of the turf, I noticed that the car was still sitting there like a sleeping duck in a black pond with its hazard lights on. I thought about this as I lugged the mower back up the driveway. For some reason, this little blue car had my attention. I took a long hard look and saw someone, I thought a man perhaps, glazing over a large puece of paper.

"Aha!" shouted my good samaritan instincts, "a lost man, looking over his map. This is hard work. I'll go rest briefly by asking this person if he needs help." And with this noble goal in mind, I approached the car. I admired the shimmering blue paint, as I neared the passenger-side window. The window went down, and time seemed to slow down as I lowered my head. The first thing I noticed was that this man was wearing a blue, spotted dress. I then realized that the chances of there being anything as interesting as a cross-dressing man in McLean were thin as could be, and that this was in fact a woman. I also noticed that this was not a map, but a newspaper. As time spun around me in swirls of slowness, it occured to me that this woman was starting to look familiar. Then, the woman's face came to view, and it was ELISE'S MOTHER.

I hadn't seen Elise's mom since prom night, shortly before Elise and I broke up, and I hadn't really planned on seeing her anytime soon. This isn't to imply that I had something personal against her, but rather that I had no real reason to see her again and thought it best to avoid any potential akwardness. I wasn't exactly sure how Mrs. T had reacted to the news of our official breakup, and I frankly had no desire to know.

But there she was. On my street. Sipping coffee. I remained perfectly collected on the outside, but inside my head, brain cells were swinging around on the synapses like jungle-gym-loving monkeys and I wanted to twist my mouth in about seventeen different ways. Conversation was short. She explained that she was picked up Elise's younger sister, Missy, and her friend from summer school at Cooper MS. I asked about the car, which I didn't recognize because it did not belong to the Trents. She mumbled something about it being a rental and explained that it was not Elise's. She asked how I was, I told her I had been working a lot, and in fact, "whoops, hey, I need to finish with this here lawn because I've gotta go to work in a bit! Catch you later!" and that was the end of that. I thought it rather odd that she had opted to stop the car right there on my street, when the access road alongside my house, was absolutely bereft of cars and had been for a while, and there were some spots available in the Cooper parking lot. A few minutes later I saw that the car was gone. Was it all a dream? I think not.

More tomorrow. I need my baby sleep.

It was a warm Friday afternoon. The air sagged like a moist towel, you could feel the water in the air cling to your lungs like fifty seamen to a bit of debris after a shipwreck. It was an average Friday afternoon for summer in Painsville. I watched the people milling around from inside the car on my way home from work. My feet ached from standing for six hours, and the remnants of a terrible, faux gyro I had lunched upon festered grimly in my stomach.

I had had to ask to get off work early today because I had an appointment that day - an appointment with a man in white. I wasn't afraid. Not one bit. It was a wisdom tooth being taken out. I was a man. I could handle it. But sometimes, fortune does a swan-dive onto the pavement from seven stories up and even men cry. It began with ice. I sat down on the soft, leather cough in the waiting room. The waiting room was made to help ease feelings of fear or anxiety. Bright colors leapt out from the walls, an aging Nintendo 64 housed in a plywood box sat in the corner, and a great Disney afghan hung behind me.

As I was settling in, the eyes of a hundred Disney faces smiling stupidly burning into the back of my head, a young Asian woman came through the door. She smiled brightly and called my name, holding up a yellow surgical glove filled with frozen water. I raised my hand and was instructed to hold the icy hand of death against my right cheek. Some people don't realize that coldness burns. It does.

After twenty minutes, it began.

Unfortunately, I cannot give a detailed, step by step narrative of what took place. It began with the syringe, repeatedly being stabbed into different places to numb my tongue and mouth. This was rather painless and acceptable. Then the real fun started. Now of course, I was numb, so I really didn't feel all that much. The worst part was the sounds. The sounds, and seeing all the blood on my smock and seeing all the blood being sucked out of my mouth by that awful tube.

Long story short, this was supposed to take about ten minutes. It took them almost 40 minutes just to get the damn tooth out. After much levering and passing back and forth of high speed drills and scalpels and such, I heard a loud SNAP. Doctor Mike says "that's what I didn't want to hear". It turned out that they had snapped the roots off the tooth. So the next fifty minutes were spent doing more drilling and curring and prodding and sucking away of the blood. I had to get up several times so that they could take Xrays and see where the rest of the roots were. In the end, they just decided it wasn't worth finding the last little bit of a root. I have to tell you though, towards the end, I wasn't handling it well. It was really odd, I wasn't consciously afraid or upset... but... my body started breaking out into uncontrolled sobs and spasms. After I left, I couldn't even talk for half an hour because I had no control. *sigh* So I was on painkillers for a while, I'm doing a little better now. My tongue is still numb because of "residual bruising" or something like that.

I need to heal. *sob*

Well, well, you've heard correctly, Per is back on the workforce. I now work for Safeway, a mainly western-based grocery chain. I started training on Monday, which consisted of 8 hours of sitting at a computer. The first four or so were spent doing the "Orientation" section. That was mainly a video/fun quiz-game version of my handbook that told me about the origins of the company and how to do your job well and such. The next part was the actual checker training. Not too hard. You learn how to scan, get aquainted with the TERMINAL (still on the computer), learn how to deal with robbery and shoplifting, random key-strings for things like price checks and overrides. Yeah, robberies. I hadn't really thought of the minor chance that I would be in any sort of danger. I say minor because I work in McLean and nothing bad ever happens here. So yeah, I'm Per, the cashier, putting my bad-ass on the line to ring up your damn groceries. The checker training on the computer lasted into Tuesday. Wednesday was when I actually started working in the checker terminal. It was a little frustrating learning about the tons of little things that training didn't prepare you for, like idiots not separating their groceries from the person in front of them. But yeah, it's been pretty fun. There are of course those grumpy asses who will occasionally give me a hard time, and something will go wrong from time to time, but I keep on smiling and survive. I enjoy it. I love most of the people I work with, and I've already seen many familiar faces, including Mrs. Poon, Jake's mom, and DR COOP-fucking-ER.

So what else is new? Erin and I are dating, and that's pretty great, to say the least. My California grandparents are coming to stay with us tomorrow. By some astonishing coincidence this is also the day I'm having a wisdom tooth removed. I don't know just how much that will impair me, but consider yourselves forewarned. That's all for now. Here's an inspirational quote by Groucho Marx:

"A man is only as old as the woman he feels."

First of all, those of you unfamiliar with the current state of my hair and confused about the title, my hairline is receding. Both my mom's brother and father are bald, so things look pretty grim for the ol' follicles. You know what I heard though? It may just happen because of an unusually sexually alluring amount of testosterone coarsing through one's body. If I do go bald, however, I plan on letting nature take it's coarse. Man, I can't believe I'm talking about being bald. On to other things, then.

Senior year has been incredible. My favorite part has been befriending more and more people that I had never gotten to know before. I've changed so much since I was a little freshman, I don't think I would recognize myself were I have been sent back in time and seen myself. I have to say, however, I'm quite happy with who I have become. I'm a little saddened by who some others have become, but hey, what are you gonna do? That's right, smack them in the back of the head and run away. That aside, there are of course many people who have been there along the journey and grown with me. Jason, remember when you hit me in the back of the head with that pool thermometer? Yeah, I trust you not to do that again. Jonathan? Man, I've learned so much from you. Tereza? You don't read my LJ anyway, but yeah, I think you've mellowed. A little bit. Maybe? Hmm... And of course there have been many others, recent and old. You all will receive me blessing in person if you haven't already. I think it's time to talk about a few of the recent events.

GRADEEATION:

Don't you know it? As soon as you finally start feeling like a senior, you graduate. Jonathan was with me most of the time prior to the processional since our last names are so close together, giving us ample time to talk about it. Neither of us felt particularly sad or excited. Jonathan pointed out that this was most likely because graduation is a process that lasts several months. The ceremony is just a formality. I was inclined to agree. It's only now starting to sink in that I'll never see all of these people together again. Of course, there are those who my memory will more easily let go of than others, but it's gonna be strange. Everything is going to be different. So graduation was fun, my family came up and then we had a big after party/barbeque at my house along with a number of guests. I also got a number of graduation gifts, which was nice and unexpected. Getting gifts wasn't something I had really thought about. I got some money and some lovely assorted doodads.

And then later came the all night grad party. Mmm...

I have to say, the grad party was the most fun I've ever had with a large group of people. Ever. I'm not into the party/drinking/clubing/vampire occult scene, so I don't have a lot of experiences to compare. What made it so great was not only the fact that it was so incredibly well put together and there was so much to do, everyone there was someone I'd spent high school with and knew fairly well. Wherever I turned I could strike up a conversation or get a hug and take pictures. I even talked to a lot of people that I didn't know that well. Jonathan and I did a music video of Ricky Martin's "Livin La Vida Loca" which I'll have to upload somehow to show people. It's pretty nutty. They also set up a huge Vegas-style casino lounge with rows of blackjack tables, poker tables and roullete, where I spent a good couple of hours and left completely broke. It inspired me to want to go to Vegas.


As a final, brief note, I also want to say something about Elise and I. There's been a lot going on in the past, which doesn't need to discussed or scrutinized. Long story short, however, I talked to her today and we broke up peacefully and mutually with no hard feelings on either side. We both know it's best.

So that's that, I shall henceforth make the effort to update my journal with gripping news of my life.

It's been quite a while since I've updated, and for that I am truly sorry. I'm even more sorry, however, that this isn't going to be much of an update. Unlike many others, my life has had its share of drama, and there are still a number of affairs that need to be settled. After graduation, I will have a wonderfully large, and possibly illustrated update regarding my reflections, thoughts, and feelings. So until then, just grit your teeth a little.

Feelin fine.

I can't remember what was even going on the last time I updated this thing. It was right before our essays were due... APs were still on their way... but all that is behind me now. A lot has been going on, I have to say. There's a big thing that's happened, but I'm not going to write about it here because I have no reason to and plenty of reasons not to.

As I said, APs are over. This means that what was once my suck day of all AP classes has now become a day in which I do virtually nothing. Yay. On another note, my grandparents are coming tomorrow from Norway to stay with us for three weeks ago. They're going to be staying in my brother's room, so guess who gets a new roommate for 3 weeks? That's right, Thomas will be asleep in the same room as I. For three weeks. In the same room. For three weeks. Ugh.

I kinda want to keep writing, but I'm tired, so I'm not going to. Later, dolls.

There are few things that I hate in this world. Tim Stefanou and lip zits are among those few things, as is Bill Griffith's comic strip, =http://zippythepinhead.com. Below is a typical strip, marked up for my own reference later as well as with some personal comments on my part.

http://ee.domaindlx.com/HouseOfMojo/Zippy.jpg
(Alternate) http://zippythepinhead.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/2004/images/042704.gif

Can you believe they print crap like this? Where's the goddamned punchline? What the hell was Billy smoking? If you look at his other comics you will see that they are all pretty much the same, and that 95% of them involve large corporate logos in the form of animals or people. Did I mention that the comic makes no sense whatsoever? Maybe this is one of those "thinking" comics that leaves it up to your imagination. In the comic featured above, I can only assume that the man with a chin that looks like a ham sticking out of it is insecure about his penis. Allow me to dissect and translate:

CHIN JERK:
"I got this feeling - like there's an 800 pounds gorilla lurkin' around somewhere!"
Trans. "I have an 800 pound gorilla-like penis!"

CLOWN JERK:
"A REAL 800-ounds gorilla, Claude?"
Trans. "I doubt that any phallic instrument you may have about you is genuine"

CHIN JERK:
"No, not a real gorilla, pardner, I'm just tellin' you how it FEELS"
Trans. "It is not really gorilla-like, but it sure feels like one"

CLOWN JERK:
"Well, maybe it's a 500-pound gorilla, Claude... & maybe it's made out of chicken wire and fiberglass!"
Trans. "In that case, my ugly friend, the penis you so voraciously described as weighing 800 pounds might just be artificial, constructed out of chicken wire and fiberglass!"

CHIN JERK:
"Pardner, I don't need you to FIX the gorilla problem, I jus' need you to ACKNOWLEDGE th' gorilla problem!"
Trans. "You got me! I have no penis and have to wear a giant, fake object, which I have currently misplaced, which is a big problem!

CLOWN JERK:
"This gorilla metaphor is beginning to freak me out!"
Trans. "I am becoming insecure and no longer wish to discuss your fake penis"

Well there you have it, folks. Here are a number of things that bothered me about this particular strip:

>> The title of this strip condenses into KKK. A coindidence? NO! Griffith purposefully changes the spelling of "complex" to "komplex". This is a subtle invocation of the name of a group to which a disturbed, horribly unfunny man such as Griffth surely does belong to. Of course, it could also be that he's just an idiot who can't spell any better than a dung beetle.

>> When I checked Griffith's nauseating site, I was invited at the bottom of the page to "CHECK THIS OUT":
http://ee.domaindlx.com/HouseOfMojo/ziplinkCheckthisout.jpeg
(alternate)http://zippythepinhead.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/yl5thumb.jpg

I mean, what the hell is Griffith endorsing here? Dirty old jerkoff.

That's all I can really think of for now. Lend me your thoughts!

EDIT: I'm not sure, but domaindlx seems to be having issues showing my pictures. I have added in links to the original pictures so that you can still understand.

For the record, I am not exanimate. At least, I don't think I am. If you know the definition of exanimate, please send me a nice postcard with the definition written on it and the name of something you would like me to rant about in the near future. It doesn't even have to be something that offends me, I can make things up! But then, you already knew that. Anyway, I'm so sorry I haven't been as faithful to the ol' LJ lately. Things have just been all around sucky lately in terms of schoolwork. I think this past week was the first time in quite a while that I've actually been stressed out. Being gone for three days last week did kinda take its toll, to say the least. But not only did I have a bunch of work to make up, there was a lot of stuff I had to do in normal classes. There just wasn't enough time to study for everything. Oh well, I think I managed well in the end. All I'm really concerned about right now is this AP Lit paper and AP tests... and you know, things that really matter, like love and BF1942.

As came up in the last update, Jonathan's car has issues. I'm honestly worried that something bad will happen to it. It might decide to explode one day in a fiery BANG that will send Jonathan up and over the moon in several assorted pieces. It may also just give up on existence altogether and slip quietly out of the material realm, leaving note that's both tragic and impossible to read. You know, because it's tough for a car like a Lumina to get a good grip on a pen. For the sake of the traditional trinity of hypothetical situations, I'll propose one more. I've heard tell that sometimes it sneaks out and hangs out in parking lots with other bad cars, puffing smoke like a chimney in a house with a family of human torches. I'm pretty sure I saw it with John's white 626. This kind of destructive behavior can only do harm to both the car and the supple, young Jonathan.

On an entirely different note, what's the deal with dress shoes? Naturally, I'm talking about guys' shoes. Women's shoes are entirely different, insane matter. I think one of the most important factors to consider when dressing is comfort. Dress shoes are the bear-traps of comfortable shoes. With the torso and legs, it's more or less between you and your dignity what you wear. But when it comes down to your shoes, why would you wear anything but a sleek tennis shoe or sneaky sneaker? The only reasonably non-idiotic response I get to this question is "well, sometimes it's part of the dress-code, be it for work or for an opera". First off all, dress-codes are antiquated social norms that arose from the timeless need to keep Old Man Winter away from one's special place that got all twisted and skewed. Apparently we got spoiled being protected from the cold and had to wear clothes all the time, and then they had to look good. Honestly, what possible difference in the mishmash of the universe does it make if you wear Dockers to a board meeting? You get to be comfortable and show everyone that you're a consumer whore! But I digress. You may also be thinking to yourself that dress shoes aren't that bad to wear. Well tell me this, smartass, how well can you run in dress shoes? "Why would I need to run?" you ask. Yeah, well, what if a vicious horde of knife-wielding Afghani terrorists invade the opera theater? You're fucked. There's a reason that the special forces don't wear dandy dress shoes. So be comfortable, and don't be an immobile terrorist victim. DON'T WEAR DRESS SHOES!

Jonathan's car is old and it had coolant problems, but I think we fixed it. Jonathan says "fishy", probably because the coolant tank smelled like fish. These next weeks are going to suck. After that, though, it'll be heaven. Heaven and Douglas. *sigh*

Well shit, I just wrote this nice long ditty, but it got wiped off the face of the earth when I accidentally hit Rich Text Mode. Here's a shortened version of what I wrote:

Non-LJ users, you are welcome to "reply anonymously" because I realize now that you have no other option. I always thought that there was a field for putting in your name. That said, all I ask is that you put a signature at the end. Thank you.

~Per

As some of you know, I was just in Minnesota with the rest of the LHS Wind Ensemble. Many of you, unfortunately, don't really know what we did there. Were we at some abstruse band competition? Did we try for the record for "Best Bells For Stokowski" performed by a 56 member ensemble while sky diving? Did we don black capes and ditch Minnesota to become followers of Sephiroth on Mt. Nibel? No. We were selected, through a blind audition out of over 200 high schools applying, to play at the Bi-Annual Music Educator's National Conference, which this year happened to be in Minneapolis.

The concert itself went very very well. Here's a look at our program:

Wiener Philarmonikker Fanfare - Strauss
--performed by us and the US Army Brass Quintet

Vesuvius - Ticheli
--performed by us

Ave Maria - Biebl (arranged by Robert Cameron) (World Premiere)
--performed by us and world-famous Baritone singer Jonathan Hays

Shadowcatcher (mvt. 4) - Ewazen
--performed by us and the US Army Brass Quintet

Dusk - Steven Bryant (World Premiere)
--performed by us

Bells for Stokoski
--performed by us

The coolest part of this whole thing was working with some of the composers themselves. Ewazen came to our school and worked with us the monday before we left. All year famous composers have come to work with us and share with us their wisom. On the trip, we were able to work closely with Jonathan, Steve, and Cameron. They're all really cool guys, and they even came to dinner with us two of the nights. It's hard to put into words the feeling we got being there. We just felt so goddamn proffessional. Other must have thought so too, because our performance was all in all magnificent. Bells for Stokowski, the hardest piece any of us have played in our lives, was almost flawless and the best we've ever played it. Without a joke, people were constantly asking people what University we were. The University of Oklahoma also performed the piece that day, and I heard we were much, much better.

I could go on and on about some of the more miniscule stuff, but I need to go kill myself with homework for a while. It was a great trip, an experience we won't forget.

I'm fairly confident that John will never in his lifetime come here, so I have no qualms putting up this conversation I had with him. I want to post it here because I feel that it highlights many things about John's character. You may agree with him, you may side with me, feel free to judge however you wish. No commentary. (EDIT: as in I won't be commenting. you may feel free to)

jeso626 (10:37:29 PM): hey hey
perthebear (10:37:32 PM): hey
perthebear (10:37:36 PM): were you at work earlier?
jeso626 (10:37:54 PM): I wasnt on duty today but I stopped by and bought some stuff
jeso626 (10:38:18 PM): why did you stop by
perthebear (10:38:21 PM): mhm
perthebear (10:38:35 PM): I was with Elise before we went to dinner with her family and saw the passion
jeso626 (10:39:07 PM): I was all hung over, I didnt get home till 5am today and then woke up at 8am and got my license back
jeso626 (10:39:23 PM): I went clubbing last night, woohoo
jeso626 (10:40:12 PM): have you ever been to dream
perthebear (10:40:23 PM): nay
jeso626 (10:40:31 PM): its beast
jeso626 (10:41:34 PM): been goin out most nights, smokin the hookah goin to clubs, dance and strip, spring break rocks
perthebear (10:42:57 PM): glad you're enjoying yourself
jeso626 (10:43:46 PM): yeha, we should go chill sometime, you me and jonathan, and actually do something
jeso626 (10:45:03 PM): its like I've been in high school for four years and its not until like just now that I've found all these cool places, of course most of them you have to be at least 18 to enter
perthebear (10:45:16 PM): doesn't sounds all that interesting to me
jeso626 (10:46:15 PM): I figured as much, I mean you and x are real button down people, no offense thats cool too, you guys just arent into the party scene
perthebear (10:47:17 PM): absolutely no offense taken
perthebear (10:47:27 PM): that scene doesn't impress me
jeso626 (10:48:58 PM): yeah, but what I mean is that your only in high school once, maybe its not something you would enjoy but its something you might want to try, for me a lot of things are just for the done that factor, I dont want to look back and wish I had taken the time to do something, even if it was stupid or crazy
jeso626 (10:49:30 PM): of course thats the attitude that gets people killed
jeso626 (10:49:40 PM): but what are you gonna do
perthebear (10:51:10 PM): not do anything stupid that frankly I know I won't look back on and regret not doing
jeso626 (10:52:28 PM): yeah, I regret some of the stuff I've done, but I've learned something from everything I
jeso626 (10:54:08 PM): I've done and I think it makes me a better person, like I can see where others are coming from, like I learned from my speeding ticket, you would say maybe not to have driven fast in the first place, but the stuff I did I enjoyed and even though it was stupid and I regret having done it now, if I could go back I wouldnt do it any different
perthebear (10:54:57 PM): experience isn't the only teacher in life, you know
jeso626 (10:55:15 PM): true, but its the only one that I respect
jeso626 (10:56:03 PM): you dont understand something till youve experienced first hand, how could I talk to someone about having an alcoholic in the family, I mean really relate to them, if I didnt have one in mine
perthebear (10:57:15 PM): of course it would be hard to relate to someone on that level
jeso626 (10:58:00 PM): how can you relate to me on say smoking
perthebear (10:58:08 PM): but how can it be worth doing fucked up repugnant shit yourself just to help understand how it affects other people?
jeso626 (10:58:21 PM): its not worth it
jeso626 (10:58:44 PM): but I'm not about to shut myself off cause I might get hurt
perthebear (10:58:44 PM): I can talk to you about it, but I can't defend it
perthebear (10:58:52 PM): I can listen to what other friends who smoke tell me
perthebear (10:59:09 PM): I can read what thinkers write
jeso626 (10:59:13 PM): I wont light myself on fire to know how a burn victim feels
perthebear (10:59:15 PM): I can make my own decision
jeso626 (10:59:23 PM): based off others views
jeso626 (10:59:36 PM): no account is unbiased
perthebear (11:01:16 PM): I'm still allowed to have an opinion without sticking a cigarette in my mouth
perthebear (11:01:21 PM): I can see what it does to people
jeso626 (11:01:36 PM): true, anyone can have an opinion
jeso626 (11:02:19 PM): I have an opinion on what its like to live in a third world country from what people have said, what I've read and seen, but do you think I have any clue, any real idea what it is to live like that
perthebear (11:02:37 PM): if you know enough, sure, you can get a good idea
perthebear (11:02:51 PM): of course you can't truly understand it as well as they do
perthebear (11:02:56 PM): what does that mean, though?
jeso626 (11:05:17 PM): it means that what we see everyday is such a small window of the world that it bothers me, and I'm finding new windows, windows that dont show nice things, some that are dangerous, some that many people would be afraid to approach, maybe I shouldn't venture into those areas, but I wont view life through a filtered window
perthebear (11:07:03 PM): you can't see the world as everyone sees it, John
jeso626 (11:07:16 PM): I know
jeso626 (11:08:47 PM): but I can take one night, and walk a path with someone else, someone who I would have never probably have met before and I wont see the world as they see it, thats impossible, but I can see their world, even if it is with my own eyes
perthebear (11:10:19 PM): quite the noble gent
jeso626 (11:11:20 PM): perhaps, or perhaps so self absorbed I have lost myself in my own how would I say crapulence
perthebear (11:12:08 PM): mhmm
jeso626 (11:13:48 PM): sometimes I wonder if I have found a new path, or if I have lost my own by so much that I no longer have a direction in which to travel
perthebear (11:14:40 PM): I'm not sure what to tell you John
jeso626 (11:16:00 PM): there is nothing to say other than that I am doing exactly what I should be doing as a youth, I question who I am, and what I want to be
perthebear (11:19:18 PM): many people interpret that in different ways
jeso626 (11:20:39 PM): many people do lots of things, I have never been a proponent of giving a damn what others believe I should feel or how I should analyze my life

I saw The Passion of the Christ tonight. There isn't a whole lot I can say about it, you really just have to see it for yourself, if you haven't already, to truly understand the immense weight of the film. It's been a long time since I've shed tears at a movie theater. I have no idea what else to say. If you haven't seen it, I really recommend it, even if you're not a theist. It didn't make the film any less powerful for me.

There's a lot going on at the moment, and I don't feel like ranting to you or myself about it, so instead I'm going to write a stream-of-consciousness poem about nothing in particular that I have pre-ordained. In the interest of not being pecked to death by English-harpies, I'll naturally try to give it some meaning and form.

"The Wandering Wonderer" -by Per Hoel

The coarsest rose in winter,
The most stolid snowflake in summer,
The pain of joy, the joy of pain.
Surreal as the Moon's dark gaze,
Buds of perplexity slumber
Amongst a torrential inferno,
The masks of unseen avatars dance,
Their shadows gleaming,
Dreaming,
Steaming into a muggy, meek swamp.
A lone Wanderer lays by the roadside,
Beneath a roadsign dictating countless directions,
The Wanderer a sleeper, torn in dreams between where to go.
Night clad in shimmering armor
Battles the daze of Day,
The Wanderer bequeathed with flickering patterns
Dancing accross his face.
Where to Wonder to wander,
Where to Wander and wonder,
He dreams without Night or Day.

I'm no Emily Dickinson, but I hope that manages to conjure some images of my pensive self.

Gather around, my fuzzy and non-fuzzy friends alike, for today we shall settle a problem most pressing. What kind of problem? An ecological problem? A theological problem? A sex problem? Nay, nay, gentle friends, a problem of etiquette. You see, AIM has this feature called "away messages" that allows you to create a message that will be sent automatically by the program. While activated, anyone who sends an "instant message" to your "screen name" will receive the "away message". BRILLIANT! But from this blessing derives our problem. The majority of "away messages" feature a message that in some form or another lets us know that the person is away (i.e. "Getting dinner, later comrades!", or "Out back playing with the Spot"). This is all well and good, I suppose, but what about when we actually put the "away messages" up? Some people take the time to IM each individual person they happen to be talking to to let them know that they are leaving and then put up their away message, while others just put up their away message right away. I myself have dappled in both walks of life, and I feel that I must explore these two options to see which is really the best.

THE OL' "GTG TTYL"; DOES IT GTG?
For those of you who are not internetally inclined, let me explain to you what this means. "GTG TTYL" is common internet acronymage meaning "got to go, talk to you later". The first real internet acronym social movement occurred in the mid 90's and was led by a man named Ebirt Longbottom. Longbottom strongly felt that writing out grammatically correct, actual words and phrases on the internet was too time-consuming and took precious time away from the 253 hours of internet surfing ahead in the day. But I digress. These shortened language-corpses and other farewells are commonly part of the "saying good-bye" phase in Operation Auf Wiedersehen Und Away. People find that it is common courtesy to say goodbye before leaving. This is the point we must consider.

POINT/COUNTERPOINT; LOLZ "DOES IT GTG" I GET IT
Let us consider what an "away message" really is. By thoroughly examining the diction, we see that it is a "message" that says you are "away". Another word for message is "notification", so really these are notifications of our awayness. Why, then, would we bother notifying our friends, through "gtg"s and "byes" that we are away when the away notification itself can serve that same purpose?

You say to me, "Why, the away notification is really just for other people who sign on and see you, but you're away so you put up an away notification you stupid asshole." Normally I would say, "good point, cowboy", but this time you're just so wrong it hurts me more than when people use "u" instead of "you"... while speaking to me in person. If you're away, close AIM and stop wasting your computer's energy you stupid energy-hating anti-ecologistical, SUV-driving schmuck. I don't care if you like it when people leave you messages. What am I doing? Disavowing away messages altogether? It certainly seems like it.

So there we have it: It has been scientifically proven by a super scientist genius that it is A-okay to simply put up an away message sanz a "gtg ttyl" or "oh shi my knee wtf brb d00d". In fact, you should just avoid using away messages at all and go live on a tropical island beach somewhere with a nice beer, doing crazy things like throwing your pager into the sea.

As I mentioned earlier, we now have DSL. Never before have I been so overcome with emotion over a material possession. The night we first got it to work I was up for hours just watching streaming videos and struggling to find other things I could do. I felt like a kid in a huge, enormous candy shop for DINOSAURS. That's a lot of big candy. So yeah, DSL makes me happy, and it lets me do things that I could not before. I'm writing this as I'm waiting for a demo for Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow to download is over 120 Mb big, but I'm downloading it at a steady 120 kps. Mmm... a couple minutes left to go. Should be about 20 minutes total? On my 56, that would have taken about 10-12 hours.

On another brief note, it's spring break! Stupid homework. Later, chowderheads.

Dear God I can barely take this anymore. Spring break is so close I can almost taste it. It's just like that time I was a kid and too short to reach the water fountain in that park. My throat was parched like a sandy beach on a Martian, sun-glazed coast, yearning for the refreshing hydro-amelioration that some water would bring. I stretched and I gasped, feeling faint, barely able to sustain my normal bodily functions. The micrometers I grew while waiting seemed hardly enough to get me to my goal in time. Luckily, a woman in red gave me a boost and I was free from further torture. So what now? Will a woman in red come and whisk me to the end of the week today? I hope so.

There's something else that just occurred to me that I need to talk about. Jim Evangelisti. Jim, you're a fucking idiot. I thought of you because I was thinking about John and then about how he thinks everything you do is just fucking fantastically hilarious. It's really not. I heard about you pouring a good number of pints of water into one of the sousaphones this morning. Great move there, hotshot, you're well on your way to being on Fox's Joe Jackass, where the prize is a bullet in the brain stem for being such a fucking idiotic asshole. Of course, it comes as no real surprise. You were always sticking trash here, stealing things here. I remember when you stole a bag of candy bars from under our noses and shared them with your equally brainless asshole friends. It was only an errant Snickers mini wrapper fluttering by that brought your wicked, imbecilic act to my attention. Get bent and die you useless, turd-sucking jerk-off.

Man, that felt incredibly good. I'll probably do that again sometime. Oh, and the Sousaphone was heroically rescued after school. It was given CPR and rolled around a lot to drain the water out. Jim needs to live in a jail cell with a giant gerbil wheel in it. The wheel would power several small homes. See, at first he wouldn't use it, but there wouldn't be anything else to do, so he'd eventually give in and make a useful contribution to society.

I forgot about the other stuff I was going to post, so I guess that'll have to come another day.

PS: Lady in red, I'm serious, come to me and whick me away to Friday-ville.

As you may or may not know, I can no longer access my subprofile to update it. This happened long ago. Since I want to clear out my AIM profile, I thought I might as well copy all that in here. Before I do, though, let me just say that the weather today made it one of those really awesome days that energize me and make me feel good. mm... anyway, here's my subprofile, sanz journal entries.

SUB-PROFILE

Per's Rant Box - Continuously check for updates!
6-17-03: "If you have something to say about my dick, just say it"

Alright, I don't know about you, but I'm getting mighty tired of getting emails from "ashertjasdashmaaa" and "GETHUGENOWL0SER" etc telling me to buy their goddamn penis-lengthening products. Is there suddenly some drop in the nation's average penis-size? I swear, a year ago all I would get was an offer to mortage my house (which was kind of cool because I didn't know I had a house) and dental insurance. Hell, most of the time these new guys don't even try. Take "ashertjasdashmaaa" for instance. The subject line usually reads something like "aaggrreekheeaaattsize4uu" or "omgperurdickisssoooooosm4ll,buymyshitho". If they have something to say about me, they should just come out and say it, because I'm starting to get a little offended by their subtle, indirect slander.

Now that I think about it, the "inlArGEit4her4morePLEASURE" phase was briefly preceded by the "enlarge your cup size two sizes!" phase. I can only imagine the damage this is doing to our naive youth (who must surely get these as well) who are new to life and their roles in it. So keep an eye on little Jonny, and if he starts getting upset about his cup-size, just smack him around for a while and steal his computer. And if little Suzie starts stretching things out around the house, check her email. The horrible internet may have struck again.

--------------------------

6-28-03: "See Per; See Per rant; Rant, Per, rant"

Earlier today I was talking about things being overrated, and grape popped into my head. I'm not talking about grapes themselves or grape juice or wine or anything classy like that. I'm talking about everything else that they flavor "grape". I mean seriously, it doesn't even taste like fucking grape. "candy/bubble gum/ice cream/condom flavor grape" and "real grape" are very different and should be labeled as thus. I can't even imagine where the hell they got that flavor or how the hell they got it to spread that quickly. Alright try this; first think of eating a grape. "Juicy, sweet, a little sour maybe, tasty, alright, that was a nice grape", now imagine the other thing you taste when eating a "candy/bubble gum/ice cream/condom flavor grape" lollipop. Why did we have to betray the good name of grapes by associating them with this purple filth we could just as easily have made up a name for, like "farfigberry" or "purple" (because that's all it really is, "condom/lubricant/baby food/fertility drug flavor grape" is what the color purple tastes like. I recommend trying out blue while you're at it, it tastes like honey. This may surprise some of you who may have thought it tastes like cotton candy, but such thinking will only make me write another paragraph like this, so I'll stop now.

Everything you ever wanted to know about Per (Almost everything) **Updated**

Name: Per
Age: 18, as of last December 14th
Sex: male
Location: Down the street from Langley HQ
Skin Color: A little whiter than I'd like
Favorite movies: Hook, Life of Brian, the Dune Miniseries, Hudson Hawk, American Beauty, Pirates of the Carribean
Favorite Song: "Pistolero" - Juno Reactor
Favorite Place Visited: Thailand
Countries Lived in or Visited: Norway, Denmark, Austria, Italy, Germany, Thailand, U.S., U.A.E, Oman... I think that's it.
Favorite Video Games: Final Fantasy 7, Chrono Trigger, Silent Hill 2, GTA: Vice City, Battlefield 1942
Hair Color: Brown
Eye Color: Green, sometimes
Height: 6 feet! Wooo!
Weight: 148 last I checked
Favorite dish: Fetuccini Alfredo
Favorite snack: Goldfish and those little breadstick/dipping cheese things
Do I like milk?: Yes I do
Favorite Shows through the years, in no particular order: Duck Tales, Dragon Ball Z, Ghostbusters (In German!), Family Matters, The Simpsons, Seinfeld, CSI, The A-Team
Turn-ons: *CENSORED*
Turn-offs: pig's tails, people who don't believe in floss and a toothbrush, anything related to non-sexy body functions, lists of turn-offs
Characteristics I told myself as a child that I wanted to exhibit when I "grew up": Down-to-earth, not dumb, flame-retardant
Favorite Emotion: Pure, adrenaline-soaked suspense
Favorite Language: Italiano
First Job: McDonald's
Current Job: -none-
Prospective Jobs: FedEx, office cleaner, monkey-juggler
Most unique Emotion exhibited: Pure, unfettered rage.
Most mistaken-for sexuality: Homo-sexual
Actual Sexuality: not homo-sexual
Availability: Nope :^P
Most prized possesion: The heart that pumps life through my body and breathes life into my soul
Plan for proposing to future wife-to-be: Hah, I can't tell you that. Silly you.
Person represented in last flaming effigy performed: Tim Stefanou (Expect one of Martin K soon!)
Least-favorite way of being touched: Nipple-wrenching
Favorite way of being touched: For the sake of the children, I'll say "A totally tubular high-five, man!"
Favorite way of saying good-bye:
~Arriverderci!

Greatest Quotes Ever

(1) "Whenever I get a spam email with the subject "Stop paying for porn!" I think to myself, who's paying?" ~Aaron Karo

(2)
Per: Jahman98: wait
Jonathan: what's that coming out of spock's penis?
Jonathan: ... I can't believe I asked that
Per: butterflies!


...

Wow, there really wasn't much worth putting here. Hope you enjoyed that crap. Smile!

If you have no testicles, steal some then hand them over so I can shove them down your throat. Really though, there's a space for a name, a screen name, alias, Polish translation of your middle name, whatever, so put something there rather than just posting anonymously. It's the same idea as when someone IMs me and doesn't tell me who he/she/it is. I make fun of you and don't take you seriously, as you can witness below.


FOSHOguessWHO (11:56:15 ): FO SHO
PerTheBear777 (11:56:28 ): oooo, a game!
FOSHOguessWHO (11:56:43 ): FO SHIZZLE MY NIZZLE
FOSHOguessWHO (11:58:29 ): per
FOSHOguessWHO (11:58:30 ): come come
FOSHOguessWHO (11:58:38 ): i know where you live
FOSHOguessWHO (11:59:21 ): just answer. dont be a wuss
PerTheBear777 (12:00:02 ): Ah but then you have to think to yourself, perhaps you are the wuss, afraid to use proper grammar lest it sting you.
FOSHOguessWHO (12:00:14 ): or ...maybe i have a lide
FOSHOguessWHO (12:00:16 ): *life
FOSHOguessWHO (12:00:22 ): and dont give a shit
FOSHOguessWHO (12:00:31 ): shake what ya momma gave ya ;-)
PerTheBear777 (12:00:38 ): Perhaps giving a shit is the essence of life
FOSHOguessWHO (12:00:47 ): ummmm perhaps not
PerTheBear777 (12:01:12 ): A life of blood
FOSHOguessWHO (12:01:20 ): BLOOD
FOSHOguessWHO (12:01:37 ): hmm...ya got me ACTUALLY thinkin there
FOSHOguessWHO (12:01:41 ): *thur
FOSHOguessWHO (12:01:50 ): *ther
FOSHOguessWHO (12:02:03 ): *their
FOSHOguessWHO (12:02:05 ): *theyre
PerTheBear777 (12:02:13 ): almost
FOSHOguessWHO (12:02:14 ): definitly not THERE
PerTheBear777 (12:02:17 ): wooo
FOSHOguessWHO (12:02:18 ): almost?
FOSHOguessWHO (12:02:42 ): FO SHO
PerTheBear777 (12:02:53 ): would I only be tiring my fingers needlessly by asking who you might be?
FOSHOguessWHO (12:03:07 ): so hows elise?
PerTheBear777 (12:03:47 ): answer my question, wench
FOSHOguessWHO (12:04:02 ): PG enviornment please
FOSHOguessWHO (12:04:10 ): and is wench a type of bird?
PerTheBear777 (12:04:18 ): if it's not it should be
FOSHOguessWHO (12:04:23 ): so how is else
FOSHOguessWHO (12:04:25 ): *elise
FOSHOguessWHO (12:05:28 ): per
PerTheBear777 (12:06:05 ): oooo, I get it, this is the game where we ask each other questions and we don't answer and just ask other questions
FOSHOguessWHO (12:06:19 ): no, im seriously wondering how elise is
PerTheBear777 (12:06:34 ): and I'm seriously wondering who you are
FOSHOguessWHO (12:06:50 ): well youll just have to trust me when i say my name is george
FOSHOguessWHO (12:06:54 ): ...curious george...
FOSHOguessWHO (12:08:02 ): come on now per
FOSHOguessWHO (12:08:12 ): FO SHIZZLE MY NIZZLE
FOSHOguessWHO (12:08:31 ): do u no wat that means?
PerTheBear777 (12:09:19 ): there, you just inspired me to add something to my profile
FOSHOguessWHO (12:09:43 ): you didnt use proper grammar
FOSHOguessWHO (12:10:09 ): this is smarterchild's bro
FOSHOguessWHO (12:10:21 ): he is such hot stuff ...IM him
PerTheBear777 (12:10:43 ): The fallen angels will bathe their eyes in blood of a thousand innocents
FOSHOguessWHO (12:10:50 ): you are so weird
FOSHOguessWHO (12:10:58 ): sn: smarterchild
FOSHOguessWHO (12:11:07 ): IM my brotha!
PerTheBear777 (12:11:09 ): Their flesh will be stripped from their bones and consumed by rabid dogs
FOSHOguessWHO (12:11:22 ): fa-reak
PerTheBear777 (12:11:32 ): I can't IM him anymore, he tells me I have to subscribe
FOSHOguessWHO (12:11:48 ): really? how much time does it take
FOSHOguessWHO (12:11:58 ): my brotha does not CHARGE people for online sex
PerTheBear777 (12:12:00 ): your questions hurt my brain
PerTheBear777 (12:12:18 ): Few things hurt my brain
FOSHOguessWHO (12:12:23 ): do not accuse of such
PerTheBear777 (12:12:34 ): *clutches head* stop, please, make my brain stop screaming
FOSHOguessWHO (12:12:53 ): o, du u need tylenol X strength?
FOSHOguessWHO (12:13:55 ): hm
FOSHOguessWHO (12:14:16 ): adios.

Man, that gets me thinking about internet idiocy altogether. I should do a feature on that sometime. But that time is not now. Now is that time to do some Calculus! Then kill Germans! Ach, mein kopf.

Welcome back, loyal three-person audience! It's been a while, I know, so let's get to it. I'm going to try out RICH TEXT MODE for once, so we'll see how that works out. It doesn't seem to be working right, but what do I know? It's funny you should ask, because I know that this game I'm going to talk about is really awesome. It's so wonderful that I feel compelled to attach these wonderful strips from Penny Arcade




Nothing's showing up after I plug in the URLs, so here they are in case they didn't work:

http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=2002-09-18&res=l
http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=2002-08-21&res=l

Battlefield 1942. What can I say. I bought this game the weekend before last after discovering it finally went down in price to $30. Mmm... The experience is unbelievable. The single player versus the computer is nothing, except target practice. You can utilize 35 different vehicles in four different areas of the world as the axis or allied powers. Take on the role of a sniper, assault man, medic, engineer, anti-tank man... I think that's all. Each role comes with it's own special weaponry, all authentic from the time period. The gameplay doesn't explode, though, until you're online. Online you play with people with some measurable intelligence. Players are unpredictable, but you can communicate with them and actually work together. Every time I play I get a wondeful rush. I become excited when I  crawl into a bush and pick off enemies from hundreds of feet away. My adrenaline boils as I tear down from the sky in a spitfire and release a bomb onto a horde of enemy tanks and blow them into the heavens. I cheer when I fire off a rocket ahead of a tank, hoping for a chance intersection of death, to have it thus strike the rear of the tank and echo a loud BOOM. I cheer, I curse, I yell, I weep, but most of all I love. I love this game. Jonathan bought it last weekend and will attest. Oh! and another thing, my dad's just ordered DSL today. That means shortly we'll have high-speed goodness and I can finally play with more than twenty people.

For those of my readers who couldn't care less, piss off. This game is more fun than magic eye!

Well it's late, I guess I'll talk about the trifles another time.

So I haven't updated in a while, just been busy I guess. There hasn't been a lot of new stuff going on lately. We read this lit crit on Heart of Blackness for AP lit by Chinua Achebe that was pretty funny. It was funny because Achebe is an idiot and was absolutely convinced that Conrad was racist. He completely ignored the meaning of the book and focused on a few things that he thought were racist. I like to imagine him sitting in a straw hut reading through it highlighting all the times Conrad used the words dark or black or shade or any of those words, coupled with some sort of negative word, giggling to himself like a retarded baboon.

So anyway, that makes me wonder about Jonathan. I can't seem to get a hold of him, and he's not online. It's very unlike him to just disappear. I hope the poor lad is okay. My guess is that he either went somewhere. Actually, that's pretty likely because I just remembered that his Grandfolks are in town. Maybe they went out to dinner at... I dunno... Luby's or something. *RING RING* Jonathan is calling me! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaha... his internet's just out again. Poor kid. What was I talking about?

Right, so anyway, it's Saint Patrick's Day today. I didn't wear green today, mainly because I forgot. I did have some ponderings, though. As far as I know, Saint Patrick's day is based on the Catholic Saint, Saint Patrick. Now, this isn't really a religious celebration by any real standards, but it still does have that religious implication. Now as we know, the tradition is to wear green, and it has also become a custom to pinch those who are not. So I thought about that, and then I realized that people are PINCHING other people who aren't wearing green, who may not opt to join in the festivities of this arguably religious day BECAUSE they do not share those same beliefs. Could this be considered harrassing someone because of their religious beliefs? I smell a lawsuit!

Hey, Jonathan's internet is back!

...and that's all for now!

Just a brief update in the life of Per. I placed 6th out of 16 or 17 at the Tournament of Champions for Forensics yesterday. Doing so got me this great medal, which is great because this was the last tournament I would be at for LHS. My cold is fading away, the only thing really bothering me now is occasional mucus buildup and spasmic, violent coughing fits. With that said, let me move on.

I would like to share with you a more significant part of me that I rarely express in such a direct fashion. I'll paste in my "Religious Beliefs" essay that I wrote for Comparative Religion a little while ago. As you can see, it is a little long but I feel it is a fairly comprehensive account of some of my religious beliefs and beliefs about how to live a good life. Comments are certainly appreciated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are many similarities between a hamster and myself. We both eat food, we both breathe oxygen, and we both have blood flowing beneath our skin, bringing warmth and nutrients to our bodies. The big thing that sets us apart, however, is my consciousness and ability to imagine and think and analyze input to an extraordinary extent. As far as we know, hamsters do not speculate their existences or question the justness of the universe. It’s a gift only humans have, and it’s an ability that just about everyone since the dawn of man has utilized to some extent. The questions are timeless. Is there a God? How was the world created? What should I do to live a good life? As a resident of that perpetual timeline, I am no different. Having been exposed to a plethora of cultures and raised in an all-around healthy way, I have had time to formulate and analyze my beliefs. I constantly strive to better my base for making claims and stating my beliefs. So just what are my religious beliefs now? What, in my opinion, constitutes a life well lived? I will attempt to guide you through the answers to these questions, some with the help of philosophy.

Let us begin with what I believe. I do not believe that God exists. My father was raised Lutheran and my mother Presbyterian, but my brother and I were raised neither way. It hasn’t been a custom in our family to go to church, in part, I suppose, because it’s been difficult with all of our moving around. So basically I have been raised with a blank religious slate, free to formulate my own beliefs. So why do I not believe in God? The reasons extend beyond the fact that I haven’t been raised to subscribe to any particular religion. Every day people find solace in choosing a different religion. The reasons are somewhat more complicated, and I am not even entirely sure if I know them all. Though I am, by definition, an atheist, I do believe that there are certain things that need to be done in the universe in terms of morals, truth, and enlightenment.

First and foremost, the very notion of a God existing has never settled quite right within me. Even before I learned about evolution and science and probability and philosophy, I couldn’t swallow the idea. When I was younger I tried to convince myself that I did believe in God, but I knew I was lying to myself. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Surely there must be something underlying such a strong, gut feeling. Basically, I do not believe that man needs God to thrive. In fact, if for an instant I did assume that God existed, I would believe that His true goal would be to make humanity free from needing him, capable of knowing to kill without His dictating it. All across history man has evoked the name of God on both sides of battle and even killed and tortured in His name. The motives of God are mysterious and debatable. Is this all just a sick game? Is the universe a zoo? Or are our lives a test? When I claim there is no God, these questions disappear. Everything simply is, without fault or purpose, and science offers theories and physical evidence.

So what, then, do I hold to be true? Unlike some, as well as the unfortunate stereotype, I do not use my rejection of God as a ticket to a life of vices and indulgence. I do believe there are general rules all should live by. The idea I’ve held most of my life but only recently identified is that of Immanuel Kant. Kant believed that in every action we do, the only way to really determine whether or not it is ethical is to suppose every person in the universe adopted the same maxim. For example, if I were to consider stealing a candy bar from 7-11, I would imagine what would happen if ever person in the world stole a candy bar upon walking into a 7-11. Obviously some chaos would ensue and the results would clearly be negative. Not to be paradoxical, but if everyone used Kant’s model, things would be much better off.

Moving onto more specific questions pertaining to religion, I believe that when we die, there is nothing more. I am, in many ways, a materialist, not in the sense that I value material goods over other things, but a materialist as opposed to an idealist. I believe that the universe is a system of physical occurrences, objects and processes. To me, the mind is an intensely complicated computer. Therefore, when our organic machines, our bodies, fail, our minds, who we are, end with them. I also have a great deal of faith in the theory that the world was created by chance, entirely through coincidences over 4 billion years ago in a monumental swirl of cosmic gas and energy. People who do not feel the same way remind me of the incredibly small chance of that happening, and I remind them that as long as there is a chance of something happening, it potentially can.

I am an open-minded fellow. I have stated many of my beliefs, but I do not believe that they are in any way superior or more correct than anyone else’s. To me, religious beliefs are like tastes. Personally, I hate the taste of pickles. My girlfriend, who I am in love with and am practically and emotionally engaged to, loves them. I do not doubt that she likes the taste of pickles, nor do I see it as any reason to shun her for it. Why then should religion be any different? Naturally, one’s preference for pickles isn’t quite as important as the existence of God or the meaning of life, but I still feel that a measure of acceptance is vital. There is no reason to fight over truths we know we cannot prove. Instead, we ought to examine our different beliefs and examine them and learn from them.

In analyzing my beliefs I have already touched on some answers to the next question, which asks what I believe constitutes a life well-lived. Kant’s model of using maxims is one example. By that that definition the purpose of life must be something that everyone can attain and enjoy at the same time, equally good for everyone. Personally I believe that happiness is the purpose of life. That is, happiness is the purpose of life as long as it is happiness that fits within the strictures of Kant’s model. If killing people makes you happy, then obviously that does not apply. I believe that our goal should be to live happily, but still strive to make the world better for everyone else. In this day and age this can become incredibly difficult. We as people are driven to want more money, because it can get us happiness. To get that money we must work, but if we work too much we become unhappy. I have a friend whose family is unfathomably wealthy, but I do not envy him in any way. His parents are rarely home and have left him to grow up hardly without seeing them. Now, I haven’t asked, perhaps they are happy, but I doubt it. I also believe that family is key to both happiness and life. As transient beings, it is and has been our biological function to breed and have children and carry on our genes. Surely family must have some importance.

It is imperative that we work together as a species to in some ways agree on what the meaning of life is. Why can’t we? It seems like it should be obvious that we all want to be happy and have kids. What could possibly be so difficult about it? Everyone has a different perspective, and everyone has different beliefs. The only way we’re going to successfully interact is if we can enact some level acceptance for the religious and other beliefs of others. I’ve felt ashamed to express my religious beliefs in the past because I feared I would be ridiculed or shunned. I should never have felt so threatened. As long as people are open-minded, they should be able to believe what they want.

-Fin

As you may have guessed from the subject title, or not, depending on your ability to understand my twisted use of vocabulary, this update will serve as a retrospective look at some of my associates, or friends. I'm taking advantage of my more than usually lucid state of mind, brought on by my sickness, to get out my thoughts unhindered and in their purest form. Before I begin, I must tell you that I realize that this directness is a somewhat abnormal way of making my thoughts avaiable to you, but I do not apologize or take anything back. Just as the thoughts in my head, the thoughts you read here do not necesarrily follow an essay-esque flow of logic, nor do they make demands or hold regard for the future. Also, what I write here does not in any way need to be read by the parties it addresses. But if they choose to read, I am at peace with it. I will most certainly ask questions. Some of them are rhetorical, and others I genuinely would like answers to. Not just answers, promise of solution. This will not be one of my humorous updates. With that said, I begin.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As of late and all this year there have been some changes in all of our lives, changes that have shaped who we are and what we think. Some of you, my friends, have changed in ways that I can't say I much care for. Others of you have noticed some of these changes. Some of the things I will write about may not be recent changes at all, but they are still issues I deem important enough to bring up.

JOHN:
John, I'm not sure where to start. We’ve been friends for a long time, but for too long I’ve repressed exactly how I feel about things that you say and do, ignoring them with an idle laugh. I’m just going to start arbitrarily and let my thoughts carry me where they will.

The first thing that comes to mind is your attitude about cops. One day we were driving somewhere and you were telling me about how you purposefully break the law in front of cops just to piss them off. You said you hate cops. I can’t say I feel the same way, and I can’t say that I feel good about someone who does. For one thing, my uncle is a cop, and secondly I have a certain respect for authority, even that which may be inconvenient at times. You know as well as I do that cops are around for good reasons. But the things you say remind me of my brother when he talks about how school is the worst thing ever created and that kids in Africa are lucky that they don’t have schools.

Now, back to you. What the hell is up with your driving? You’re not a bad driver, in terms of control and confidence, but boy are you reckless. I haven’t driven with you a whole lot, especially recently, but I know that you like to speed. Honestly it seems like you’ve been a little more careful. Especially now that your license is suspended for going 80 mph in a 45 zone, eh? But that aside, you used to go on and on in a flaunting way about how you went this fast here and that fast there. You don’t do that much anymore. Does that mean you don’t speed as often? Probably not, but it’s possible.

Let’s talk about drinking. You’ve told me numerous times about how you’ve had drinks before. There are several layers to this that I want to peel apart here. First off all, drinking in itself is stupid. Sure, lots of people do it. Not only is it against the law at our age, but it’s completely unnecessary. The drinking itself puts you down a few notches in my book, but what really gets my goat about it is your attitude. The other week at lunch you were talking to Jake about God knows what and you made a point of pointing out that Jason and I don’t drink, louder than what you had been saying. Uninterested, I replied with a “what?”. You said, “you and Jason don’t drink, right?”. “That’s right”. I’m not sure, but you may have said something that was in itself sincere, something to the effect of, “that’s good”. In any case, you acknowledged the idea that drinking is a negative thing and offered your supporting words. But still, you drink. How am I supposed to take that, or anything you say with sincerity? I have other friends who drink and some who smoke and even do drugs. Have you John? I’ve always assumed you have, but you’ve never told me anything. Anyway, I’m still friends with those people, albeit they’re not nearly on the same level of friendship as my closer friends. I am not trying to sever any friendships here today, I am merely stating my thoughts.

With that said, I’m going to condense my remaining thoughts into one final paragraph. First of all, think about how you’re acting sometimes. You always act so differently around other people. Consider lunchtime. I don’t mind Kristina, Jake, and that other girl whose name I don’t know all that much. I’m talking about you here. The other week you and mainly Kristina spent the entire lunchtime grabbing at each other, and she your nipples. At one point you called over to me, reminding me of how you sometimes grab my nipples for no reason. I told you, “Tim Stefanou used to grab my nipples”. “Oh... I should probably stop then, huh?” you replied. You haven’t touched my nipples since and for that I am thankful. Speaking of touching nipples, do you really think it’s appropriate to be touching at her the way you do? She does, for the moment, have a boyfriend. I know that she is a very flirtatious girl, she’s even admitted that to me, but you shouldn’t take advantage of her. I hate that. That transitions nicely into my next thought. I can’t stand how you essentially use some of the girls you’ve been with. It’s obvious that your goals have always been more sexually driven than driven by something honest and upstanding. I don’t want to tread too far on this issue since you haven’t told me much. You have, however, told me some details that I would prefer not to know. The next time you want to tell me about how you couldn’t make whoopie with the freshman cheerleader from TJ because she was having her period, please don’t.

I have to stop. That’s all I can think of for now. Who are you, John? Do I want to know? I know that you’re a smart guy, but dude...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEREZA:
Ah, Tereza. The thing that bears most weight on my chest is your attitude about Elise. I’ve heard from many people that you’ve talked about her behind her back. Recently, this doesn’t seem to be much of a problem, but since I’ve kind of been thinking about this for a while, my thoughts will stretch back into the past. Why do you not like her? Why do you not think we go well together? And if you don’t, why should that matter? If I’m happy, which I am, very very much, as my friend shouldn’t you be supportive and happy for me? The worst part is you never even tried talking to me about it. Why not? If you’re so sure of yourself, talk to me about it. If you can’t do that, then please stop.

The only thing I wanted to bring up was that I do think you can be a little selfish sometimes. Let me bring up a conversation we had a while ago. To remind myself of what I want to say.

Per (05:07:47 ): Hey!
Per (05:07:52 ): thanks for the cake!
Tereza (05:07:58 ): ur welcome
Tereza (05:08:03 ): i hope u liked it
Per (05:08:07 ): yeah it was awesome
Tereza (05:08:14 ): i thought pink was the optimal color
Per (05:08:15 ): sorry you couldn't be there
Per (05:08:16 ): haha
Tereza (05:08:19 ): its ok
Per (05:08:33 ): anything else would have been anything less than appropiate
Tereza (05:08:38 ): well it'll be like that from now on
Tereza (05:08:48 ): as in i wont be there
Per (05:08:57 ): ...when?
Tereza (05:09:06 ): just tellin u that if shes there i'm not
Tereza (05:09:13 ): so its a choice
Tereza (05:10:49 ): what u writing so much
Per (05:10:54 ): well, when I want to invite both of you to something, I'm not going to be forced to make any choice between the two of you
Per (05:11:08 ): heh
Tereza (05:11:18 ): well if u invite both of us ur choosing her because i wont be there
Tereza (05:11:31 ): so make whatever choice u want
Per (05:11:40 ): well, that's your choice, and I can understand why
Tereza (05:11:48 ): its not my choice
Tereza (05:11:56 ): i dont choose to have it this way
Tereza (05:12:04 ): i didn't choose for her to be a bitch
Tereza (05:12:16 ): so say whatever u like but it will be ur choice
Tereza (05:12:19 ): and i dont care
Per (05:12:20 ): but when I invite both of you, I'm still going to open to the possbility that you'll both be there
Tereza (05:12:41 ): well learn that some things WILL NOT happen
Tereza (05:12:48 ): so do whatever u like
Per (05:13:09 ): and I don't want you to feel like I'm choosing her over you, which is what it would seem like if that's what you're telling me
Tereza (05:13:53 ): and i dont like that ur avoiding this.... u may not be doingit conciously but thats how it happens
Per (05:14:23 ): you're forcing me to do something I don't want to do, and I don't feel comfortable doing that
Tereza (05:14:40 ): then dont do it
Per (05:15:15 ): isn't that a little selfish?
Tereza (05:15:17 ): and keep not seeing me outside of school... i'm not putting a guilt trip or making u choose just tellin u whats gonna happen
Tereza (05:15:21 ): SELFISH
Tereza (05:15:23 ): ?
Per (05:15:56 ): well
Tereza (05:16:00 ): FUCK U... DONT U EVER CALL ME SELFISH AGAIN... U HAVE NO RIGHT... I AM AVOIDING A BITCH WHO HATES ME
Per (05:16:09 ): calm down
Tereza (05:16:18 ): DO WHATEVER THE FUCK U WANT PER I DONT GIVE A SHIT... U CROSSED THE LINE
Tereza signed off at 05:16:22 E.
Per (05:16:33 ): okay, so whenever I intend to invite both you and Lauren, I'll just call her and not call you?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Previous message was not received by Tereza because of error (05:16:34 ): User Tereza is not available.

Right, right. First off all, I’m not angry at you right now. The only times I was ever really angry was when I found out you cancelled our dinner reservations, but I forgave you quickly, and a while when I found out you had been saying nasty things about Elise. Anyway, let me remind you that in all honestly don’t expect you to be reading this. If you are, feel free to respond however you see fit. Secondly, Lauren has more or less abandoned us so I don’t foresee this problem happening in the future. Thirdly, and back to what I was saying before, you can be selfish at times. I’m gonna leave that implicit for now. If you understand, you understand. If not, then you can just keep on thinking I’m a jerk.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

*phew* Well, I got that out of my system. I have a headache, but I do feel a bit better having that down and out in the open. Will you read my thoughts? Probably not. If you do, please only take them as what they are. Don’t read into anything too much. If you want to talk, talk to me. If you think I’m wrong, talk to me. But before you do, understand why I just said all of those things. I don’t mean why I felt compelled to, I already explained that. I want you to answer those questions for me in a meaningful way.

Oh, and I also still feel like crap but I’ll probably be in school tomorrow.

MrPazzah: pistolero!
Mel: good song

MrPazzah: pistolero!
AJ: you did who with the what now?

PerTheBear: pistolero!
DinjackPD: arrrriba!

PerTheBear: pistolero!
Lordarshyn: well if it isn't per

PerTheBear: pistolero!
OhioKevin: well if it isn't per

PerTheBear: pistolero!
PresidentKevin: sorry? I am not familliar with your strange language

MrPazzah: pistolero!
ItalicSquirrels8: i'll save you for last

PerTheBear: pistolero!
ErinS: the greatest movie of all time...yes?

PerTheBear: pistolero!
Hailey: what does that mean?

PerTheBear: pistolero!
GRACE: i was totally just about to leave

PerTheBear: pistolero!
Vineet: ahyaya...i think i am gonna faint, (then later, probably try to kill myself)
Vineet: that word could be the "word of today" forever...
Vineet: sweet dreams

PerTheBear: pistolero!
Linz: what's that?

PerTheBear: pistolero!
bamboo: exactly!
bamboo: ....what does that mean

PerTheBear: pistolero!
disappear: YES

*later*

disappear: PISTOLERO
PerTheBear: YES

Okay, so overall slightly better than last time. But why not roll into MSN and see how they do?

...

Because nobody uses MSN, that's why not.

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What else is there to write about today. It's late on a Sunday night and I won't be going to school tomorrow because I feel like shit. I started feeling not so good on Thursday, but it didn't seem very serious until late last night and all through the night. I couldn't sleep and I kept waking up to blow my nose, which has taken to being constantly irrigated with a flow of mucus the color of infection. All day my ears have been in a state of suspended poppage, which feels very strange, to say the least. My chest is tight and sore from coughing and my lymph nodes are painful to the touch. I haven't really had a fever, which is good, although I do feel achy. I hope that the night will bring healing and that tomorrow's respite will aid my recovery. Oh an also, for a while earlier my stomach was in unbelievable pain. I almost fell down on the way upstairs to get some Maalox. I got that and some water and laid down on the couch and the pain slowly faded. But man, that was weird.

One thing I hate about being sick, besides missing schoolwork and having to make it up, is that I can't taste things, or the tastes of things are altered in a negative fashion. I love milk, but when I have a cold, it tastes like frogs. For dinner tonight my mom made these beef enchiladas with spanish rice and guacamole, which I love, but I could barely taste anything. Blech. I guess that's all for tonight.

Jonathan did something like this a while ago, using some other word. Basically, I IMed everyone online with the word "Pistolero!" and here are their varying responses:
(their screen names have been altered to protect their security)


MrPazzah pistolero!
PatrickB: Frank Black isn't nearly as good with the Catholics

MrPazzah: pistolero!
Jinx: WURD
Jinx: it's pistolo, though
MrPazzah: what on earth are you talking about?
Jinx: I don't know.

MrPazzah: pistolero!
Achy: Sounds like a very friendly cigarette brand.

MrPazzah: pistolero!
Kang: yar

MrPazzah: pistolero!
Leah: oh my

MrPazzah: pistolero!
ErinS: pistachios? yumm

MrPazzah: pistolero!
Robbbbbb: fuck yo couch nigga!'

***BONUS HOT DOUBLE RESPONSE***
MrPazzah: pistolero!
ItalicSquirrels: ItalicSquirrels: pistolero!
Kang: I hate robbing banks.

Overall, quite disappointing. You all fail. The next time I send you the name of the moment's most incredible song, I expect better responses.

Bells. Stokowski. For. When strung together in the correct order, words that will strike fear into the hearts of the Langley High School Wind Symphony. All year long we have been working on one of the biggest challenges our Wind Symphony has ever faced. But today, we showed ourselves that all that work was not in vain. Today was our district band festival. We met at our school and rehearsed for an hour or so, then eventually boarded our long yellow chariots. Time just flew by and before we knew it, we were in our warm-up room, which consisted of half of an auxiliary gym and gymnastics mats for laying on. Time had passes so quickly, in fact, that I forgot my music in our assembly room and had to trek back across the school. It's a good thing I had a guide, an alto sax player named Kim, to lead me there, or I would have gotten lost and eventually died of dehydration. So we warmed up and eventually got to the stage.

We played a hell of a show. Personally, I had some moments wherein I had to drop out because my lips were weak and needed rescucitation. But the show went incredibly well, and our straight A, straight I ratings proved it. We also did some sight reading, but that went just as well, with the exception of the ending.

Switching gears now, here are some fun numbers regarding AOHell Instant Messenger, as provided to me by the Search Logs feature of DeadAIM.

As of late July...
> the word "penis" has come up 181 times
> 118 of those were with Jonathan
> the word "boobs" has come up 57
> with Jonathan "boobs" has come up only 27 times
> I have had AIM conversations with over 370 different screen names using my main one
> the word "love" has come up 571 times


blech, I'd find some more tidbits for you, but the DeadAIM logs are a bit unstable and it was starting to mess with my machine. That's all for now, then

Please, do not be alarmed. I have succumbed to some kind sort of illness. It's not that bad yet, but I can feel it starting to spread from one dry, sore spot in my throat. Tomorrow morning I will most likely be an exhausted, sickly mess. Ugh... and we have our regional Forensics tournament tomorrow.. and District Band Festival this weekend.

Gather round, ye children of the sun, and I shall tell you a tale. Being a nice day to sit outside, weatherwise and socially-wise, we decided to eat lunch outside today. There I was able to learn more about a fellow named Martin. Martin is a tall, red-headed boy and before today I had only seen him in passing. Coincidentally, he's going out with the ex-girlfriend of a real bad guy who is the only person that I've ever really been afraid of, who we'll call Kipke. Kipke graduated last year, which I think is part of why they broke up. Kipke, like I said, is not a good person. He's one of those big, independent sorts who probably went through puberty when he was eight. He was a cool boy, alright. Smoking. Drinking. Mary jane. Blowjobs at break in the back of the auditorium. I'm not going to start ranting about specifics, but this guy treated me like a piece of shit. Anywho, I just generally tried to avoid him and now he's gone. But this isn't about Kipke.
Now, maybe I should have been able to guess that Allison's new boyfriend wasn't much of a step up from Kipke. Let me try to walk through the events that unfolded today. I was seated in the school courtyard with my girlfriend at my side. To my left was Jonathan, and also around the table were some of my other friends. At first we weren't really paying much attention, but then he started shouting out random things. One thing I thought he directed at me, but I don't think it was, so that's not important. Then the shocking thing happened. I myself didn't see it, but while I was talking to someone across the table, I saw horrified expressions snap onto everyone's face. "Oh... oh my God!" Apparently he had whipped it out. I think it was Jamie, yelled out something about not wanting to see his penis, to which our friend Martin replied, "it was my sack! Don't you know the difference between the dick and the balls?". Touché, Martin. A short while passed, and he urgently called out, asking if he could duct tape us to a table, while brandishing a half-used roll of duct tape. We respectfully declined, but kept a watchful eye on him. He then started running around the courtyard, looking for someone small to bother, egged on by his equally retarded friends.
Eventually he found a small freshman in the courtyard, but he didn't seem to do much except grab at him and shove him around. He then found someone, who upon later inquiry told me that he did "kind of" know Martin, and picked him up and carried him to another table. He then started duct-taping the poor lad to the seat. He seemed to get rather bored and decided to leave. The boy was able to get up unassisted, due to a crappy taping job. After that, not much happened, but the entire ordeal was surreal. Oh actually I did notice him sticking something down his pants then smashing it into another kid's hair.

I'll have to keep my eye on this idiotic baboon. He could spell trouble.

When you mistype something through a typing medium, it is called a typo. Is there a name for an accidental jumble of letters done while handwriting? A Write-o? Of course not. As far as I know, there is none. But don't you think there should be?

PS: If you know of one, please share it.

Ahh... spring is almost here. I can taste it, and it tastes like sugar-coated rainbow of happiness. It was about 75 degrees out today, I couldn't have been more excited. Like many others, my least favorite part of the wintertime is the nut-numbing cold. It marks the coming and passing of a landscape as barren and dead as my Sea Monkey tank, and also serves as a tremendous anti-stimulant to me. Just having to deal with waking up in my igloo every morning, physically retarded by my cold cold muscles' inability to move, I'm constantly overcome with a desire to just rustle my fur and hibernate for a while. Also at school, I find myself ready to doze and without the sufficient energy or enthusiasm abundant during warmer times. I never feel like I have any energy to do my morning 10 mile sprint. To be honest, I'm not sure if I ever did a 10 mile sprint in the mornings. That's how much the evil Lord Cold has sodomized my brain. Is sodomized the right word? Blech.

So anyway, it was warm out and I naturally found myself with plenty of energy. Not only do I have more energy when it's cold out, but I tend to be a great deal more affable when I'm naturally warm, without jacket or fleece.

As of now, I fear this welcomed warmth is but a transient eclipse hovering for a shot while over the lens of a wintry looking-glass. Just last year to the montch we had a blizzard that put us out of school for a week. Will we have another? Will the seemingly temporary warmth stay with us until the late summer season when little boys and girls are once again herded into their inescapable doom barns of knowledge? We shall see. We shall see.

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Oh and on another random note, I smashed my hand on the outcropping of the stairs leading up beside the ones I was climing earlier today. It scraped the skin of my knuckle fairly deeply and there was enough blood to make even ME faint. Depost kisses for my wound in the comment section, please.

I fixed the title, all by myself! I think I deserve a martini with a little purple umbrella in it. I asked the imfamous KANG for help, but he turned out to be a big stupid doodoo head about it. Not that it matters because I FIXED IT! Now that I've acquired this amazing power, expect to see varying titles in the future, all in the form "The Inter-something House of something".